Lame Duck Congress Passes Ground-Breaking Legislation for Fat Kids and Irritable Television Viewers UPDATED

Urgent, desperately needed legislation headed to the President for signature. Michelle's "Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act", which freaked out members of the CBC cause it re-tasks funds used for future food stamp benefits, and the "Commercial Advertising Loudness Mitigation" Act (CALM, get it?), directing the FCC to take action with broadcasters to keep those goddam commercials from blaring at you while you duck into the kitchen for a beer.

Truly, the people's work. Take heart America. You may rest assured, there is no issue too trivial for your representatives in DC.

On the former: $4.5BB for the feds to stick their noses even deeper into what kids eat at school. I want to say "please, dear God, would you just shut the hell up about what kids eat already?" but the nanny state will not stand down, will not be silent, and will expand the scope of the federal government at any opportunity, over any matter, no matter what. So I'll just say "oh blow me."

On the latter: Look, I know about the commercial thing, I mean back before I lost half my hearing on the right side. It was annoying, I get it. But really. This? Advertisers are creative and greedy bastards, if you don't think this won't accelerate direct to brain-wave transmission technology now, well, you probably don't understand why Beer=Sex.

(I've seen the ads and that's what beer seems to be, according to the advertisers. Hot chicks, good food and great times. If you're not getting that out of your beer experience, then you're just not doing it right.) Not my fault. Your fault.

Anyway, thanks Congress!

UPDATE: Oh, all right, for the seventeen of you who actually watch the NFL network, this can be your football thread too. (goddangit I forgot tonight's pick)

posted by Dave In Texas at 08:18 PM

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