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September 16, 2010

Top Ten Other Plans To "Excite Democrats All Across The Country"

10. Free mustache rides from Henry Waxman

9. Immediately get brand on millions of citizens by changing name of party from "Democrats" to "Tommy Hilfiger"

8. John F. Kerry will begin touring the country with his surly but lovable talking chimp sidekick, "Doctor Bananas"

7. "Sheriff" Joe Biden to receive new nickname: Joe "The Situation" Biden

6. Progressive Caucus in talks for special "crossover episode" with cast of The Mentalist

5. Did I say free mustache rides from Henry Waxman? I meant free hot dogs, plus a mustache ride from Henry Waxman. You like hot dogs, don't you? Isn't that what you people eat?

4. To top the wild success of Michael Steele's "What up?" blog, Tim Kaine introduces new blog, 'sup, Nephew?

3. Short title of new stimulus bill decided on: "But First You Will Blow Me"

2. To show solidarity with out-of-work Americans, Nancy Pelosi starts working for Mary Kay Cosmetics, offering her own line of lipstick, blush, and fish tranquilizers

...and the Number One Plan to "Excite Democrats All Across The Country"...

1. Obama + Water Skis + Shark Pen = "Unprecedented"

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posted by Ace at 04:27 PM

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