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September 13, 2010

Epic Beatdown of Megan McCain

Topic one at BlogCon (hosted by these fine folks at Freedom Works) was Castle/O'Donnell, but that kept becoming a forbidden topic for reasons we all know too well.

Topic two was what an ummitigated submoron Megan McCain was. Usually topic two helped bring back the camaraderie lost over topic one.

On June 20, 2002, the United States Supreme Court decreed, in the case of Atkins v. Virginia, that the mildly mentally retarded were categorically exempt from capital punishment, reasoning that fully functional adults of diminished mental capacity were as a matter of law not as culpable for their acts. Writing eloquently in dissent, Justice Scalia drew a sharp distinction between the severely mentally retarded (who are truly not responsible for their actions), and the merely stupid (the category into which Mr. Atkins undoubtedly fell). Scalia argued forcefully that, with respect to the merely stupid, at least sometimes they deserve to be punished for their antisocial and destructive behavior.

This article, of course, is not about capital punishment. It is a book review of Dirty, Sexy Politics by Meghan McCain. However, the above discussion is relevant because I initially had reservations about writing this book review at all. After all, it is clear to everyone who has read Meghan McCain’s twitter feed, her “articles” on The Daily Beast, or her ill-fated campaign blog that Meghan is not a not a paragon of clear reasoning, exemplar of familiarity with facts, nor a model of English language expertise. And after subjecting myself to 194 continuous pages of her “writing,” it became clear that none of the above-described works truly plumbed the depths of mental vacuity in which Ms. McCain aimlessly and cluelessly drifts.

This presented a dilemma.

It is impossible to read Dirty, Sexy Politics and come away with the impression that you have read anything other than the completely unedited ramblings of an idiot. This being a professional website for which I have a great deal of respect, I searched for a more eloquent or gentle way to accurately phrase the previous sentence – but could not find one.

My own contribution to this is that Megan McCain has internalized the left's idea that the victim of persecution is holy. And thus she attempts to construct a narrative in which she is such a victim of persecution.

She is persecuted, you see, because:

1. She is young.

2. She has tattoos and/or tatas.

3. She likes gay bikers.

...and therefore Republicans don't like her, so she's persecuted or something.

Of course, none of those are actually the reasons Republicans don't like her; those reasons might include:

1. She never stops talking about the fact that i) she is young; ii) she has tattoos and/or tatas; or iii) she likes gay bikers.

2. She is a confirmed submoron.

3. She is an entitled pepperpot nepot who has been given large amount of money and attention due to the fact that she is the daughter of someone famous (daddy) and someone rich (mommy). And also, she is given this attention for the exact reasons she claims are the reasons for her persecution, to wit, i) she is young; ii) she has tattoos and/or tatas, and iii) she likes gay bikers.

4. It's a little bit much to be lectured about the trajectory of American politics from someone whose seminal political memory is the day Alf announced he would no longer eat cats out of a concern for global warming.

More: a funny post on the lost chapters of Megan McCain's mamm-oirs.

Kathleen Parker is my new BFF. She totally digs me, even though she mentioned me at the same time as the evil Darth Cheney’s daughter. I’m totally adding her to my Hanukwanzamas card list! She’s not like that h8r-ade drinker, Anne Coulter. You guys, did you read my essay at Daily Beast about that? It was super awesome. I write at The Daily Beast, you know. For reals! I’m, like, a writer and stuff!

Anyways, she’s a poop head. And she doesn’t even have a juicy ass! Right, boys? Wink! OMG – I look so cute when I wink! So, girlfriends, look what I wrote.

By. Myself.

“Everything about her is extreme: her voice, her interview tactics, and especially the public statements she makes about liberals,” McCain wrote. “Maybe her popularity stems from the fact that watching her is sometimes like watching a train wreck.”

Super cool me: 1. H8r-ade drinker Coulter: 0

Or:

We have to bridge the divide in this country between smart, tolerant progressives and bible-thumping RethugliKKKan h8ers. And since I represent the best of both worlds, I went on “Real Time With Bill Maher.” Because like my dad, I’m all about bipartisanship. And tweeting with Snooki!

So I did the show, and even though I’m the good kind of inclusive Republican, this old dude named Paul Begala got h8r-ade all over my cute black suit that I bought special for TV. OMG, he was so vicious like a conservative or something even though he totally has mountains of liberal cred. Anyway, what happened is I told this guy that I loathe Bush like all intelligent and enlightened people, but it’s time for Obama to stop blaming Bush for everything. And then this happened:

PAUL BEGALA, DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST: Not to enough of a degree. I’m sorry. Not nearly enough. Ronald Reagan blamed Jimmy Carter every day for eight years. In the speech — in the speech, what President Bush said one of the things he’s had to adjust to…

MCCAIN: I wasn’t born yet, so I don’t know.

BEGALA: I wasn’t born during the French Revolution, but I know about it.

MAHER: He’s a mean man, Paul Begala.

MCCAIN: You clearly know everything. So — and I’m just a blonde sitting here.

I think he h8ed on me because I’m young and blonde. How am I supposed to know stuff that happened all the way back in the sixties? But duh! This isn’t shocking. Republican women always get treated so unfair. Except for Sarah Palin — she was totally asking for it.

That exchange is for real. Begala -- who is a dick; make no mistake about that -- pointed out that if Meggie-Mac wanted to comment on politics, she had to up her game and maybe read up on stuff that happened before 2007, and her response was to claim Begala was just putting her down for being "blonde."

So there we are in 2010 -- young, pretty blonde women with huge cans are victimized by not being given enough attention on television.

BTW, I have no problem with young, cute-ish, busty blonde chicks on television. If I'm going to hear a lot of stupid blather (and that's going to happen most nights you're watching cable news), I'd rather have some bazongas to look at while I gnaw the meat off my own fingers.

However, to claim that such women are discriminated at on television?

Really? Want to explain how this becomes the day's must-mention story?

It's not h8er-ade, Meggie Mac. It's annoyance over a twit.

Speaking of hate, by the way, I came up with a new GOP slogan this weekend. I'm going to pitch it to Ladd Ehlinger, Jr.

Today's GOP

Let's put aside the old hatreds yesterday,
and focus on the new hatreds of tomorrow.



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posted by Ace at 02:36 PM

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