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April 30, 2010

I've Got Some Good News and Bad News

It's hard to convince people that, even though I'm a conservative, I actually like animals and nature. I'm demeaningly noting the otter is cute and fuzzy, thus ridiculing those who put too much stock in that, but the fact is, I like cute and fuzzy critters too.

Otters are swell. It's heart-breaking that they should die. I'm generally a fan of higher mammals.

Especially the cute and fuzzy ones.

I mean, look at hedgehogs! I mean -- just look at 'em!


On the other hand, it does make sense to have a sense of proportion about these things, a perspective.

The explosion that destroyed that rig killed 11 human beings -- cute and fuzzy mammals, too, you know -- and yet is not the human death toll causing Obama's inevitable walkback of his previous weak-sister oil exploration policy.

It's the otters. 11 people? Who cares. No one for one second talked about shutting down oil exploration when it was only 11 people who died.

But otters?

Otters? Oh, now it's on like Donkey Kong.

It reminds me of the joke about the guy who was watching his friend's dog for him. The dog died while the owner was away.

The man explains:

I've got some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is: Your dog died.

The good news is: It was just a fucking dog.

I love dogs-- I mean, seriously, I love dogs -- but there's a sickness in the American mind when animals are so routinely elevated above human beings.

It's terrible that so many otters are going to die, or at least be slicked over and inconvenienced, by this disaster.

There is an upside, though: They're just fucking otters.

I've got news for people: They were going to die anyway. At most they were going to live for 25 years.

In the long run, as they say, we're all dead. And otters even in the medium-run.

I know it sounds like I really don't care about otters. I do, though. I am a sucker for these sorts of animals.

I just don't understand how human beings are so routinely derogated as being less important than otters.

Human beings are cuter and fuzzier than any otter. I wish people could keep that in mind.

Oh, Dear: Halliburton was servicing the rig when it exploded.

The problem may have been the cementing of the pipe, something that experts (I don't know if we're talking about real experts or "experts" who just show up to claim that all of human activity harms the environment so we should just ball up in the fetal position and die) criticize as a poor manner of handling things.

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posted by Ace at 03:38 PM

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