Ace of Spades HQ

« Hollywood Madam Claims: Tiger Woods Did In Fact Cut Short Careers By His Race-Conscious Choices in Fornication Partners | Main | Breaking: Judge Enjoins Congress from Cutting Off ACORN's Supply of Shakedown Money
Updated: Judge's Claims Analyzed A Bit »

December 11, 2009

Breaking: Tiger Woods: "I am suspending my career in competitive sports indefinitely, so that I can spend more time with my hookers."

No, he didn't say hookers. And I don't really think he was with hookers. But hookers is a damn funny word and it's hard to pass up the opportunity.

(Someone observed that any word with a "k" sound in its middle is somehow inherently funny: Pickles. Monkeys. Kookoo. Funky. Knockers. Hookers. "Pookie."

Is it really that simple? There does seem to be something to that.)

But he is suspending his golf career "indefinitely." Which means "until my sponsors and corporate-crisis people tell me it's okay to play again."

Here's his full statement, once again thanks to Red Eye's Andy Levy.

posted by Ace at 07:00 PM

| Access Comments


Advertise Here! Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries Monday Overnight Open Thread (11/4/24) Election Eve Edition Bear In the House Cafe Trump Arrives in Pittsburgh Plus: Results from the Moo Deng Precinct Are In! Trump's Pittsburgh Rally Confirmed: Leftists Believe In None of the Things They Claim to Believe In Megyn Kelly Will Lead Trump's Rally Tonight in Pittsburg Is Progressivism Dying? CNN: Kamala Harris Runs Pro-Palestinian Ad in Michigan While Running Pro-Israel Ad in Jewish Suburbs Around Philadelphia NBC Runs Illegal Ad for Kamala Harris Groups Associated With the Harris-Walz Campaign Are Illegally Paying "Influencers" to Propagandize For Them -- and Change Their Votes Absent Friends Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info: maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security Cutting The Cord [Joe Mannix (not a cop)] Cutting The Cord: It's Easier Than You Think [Blaster] Private Email and Secure Signatures [Hogmartin] Moron Meet-Ups	« Hollywood Madam Claims: Tiger Woods Did In Fact Cut Short Careers By His Race-Conscious Choices in Fornication Partners \| Main \| Breaking: Judge Enjoins Congress from Cutting Off ACORN's Supply of Shakedown Money Updated: Judge's Claims Analyzed A Bit » December 11, 2009 Breaking: Tiger Woods: "I am suspending my career in competitive sports indefinitely, so that I can spend more time with my hookers." No, he didn't say hookers. And I don't really think he was with hookers. But hookers is a damn funny word and it's hard to pass up the opportunity. (Someone observed that any word with a "k" sound in its middle is somehow inherently funny: Pickles. Monkeys. Kookoo. Funky. Knockers. Hookers. "Pookie." Is it really that simple? There does seem to be something to that.) But he is suspending his golf career "indefinitely." Which means "until my sponsors and corporate-crisis people tell me it's okay to play again." Here's his full statement, once again thanks to Red Eye's Andy Levy. posted by Ace at 07:00 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments AlaBAMA: "304 Maureen O'Toole @MaureenOToole4 5h "I've camp ..." Ciampino - Si Ispettore, non voglio dire niente di piu adesso: "SpaceX launch went off with no hitches. Cargo to I ..." [/i][/b]andycanuck (hovnC)[/s][/u]: "Maureen O'Toole @MaureenOToole4 5h "I've campaign ..." davidt: "Trump concluding his campaign strong, energetic, w ..." Disinterested FDA Director and Pfizer Board Member: "So, at the MNF halftime break ABC news just told m ..." OneEyedJack: "Never seen a big cat; mountain lion, lynx, or bobc ..." Sebastian Melmoth: "Election Day should be a national holiday and the ..." [/i][/b]andycanuck (hovnC)[/s][/u]: "Tim Murtaugh @TimMurtaugh 2h President Trump with ..." Tonypete: " I’m generally an inept pray-er Posted by: ..." Orson: "The dude waltzing into a circle of fighting lions. ..." Anna Puma: "waves to TRex Playing in Tensor. ..." Helena Handbasket: ">>> 267 @EricLDaugh · 3m BREAKING: Liberta ..." Recent Entries Monday Overnight Open Thread (11/4/24) Election Eve Edition Bear In the House Cafe Trump Arrives in Pittsburgh Plus: Results from the Moo Deng Precinct Are In! Trump's Pittsburgh Rally Confirmed: Leftists Believe In None of the Things They Claim to Believe In Megyn Kelly Will Lead Trump's Rally Tonight in Pittsburg Is Progressivism Dying? CNN: Kamala Harris Runs Pro-Palestinian Ad in Michigan While Running Pro-Israel Ad in Jewish Suburbs Around Philadelphia NBC Runs Illegal Ad for Kamala Harris Groups Associated With the Harris-Walz Campaign Are Illegally Paying "Influencers" to Propagandize For Them -- and Change Their Votes Search Search this site: Polls! Polls! Polls! Real Clear Politics Rasmussen Reports Gallup Frequently Asked Questions What is the Deal with the Cowbell? Why is the Ace of Spades called "the Death Card"? The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick Primary Document: The Audio Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an Fckin' Hammer Top Top Tens Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really* Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Syndicate this site (XML) Powered by Movable Type 2.64