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June 22, 2009

Perez Hilton: I Wanted to Show Will.I.Am I Wasn't Afraid of Him, So I Called Him a Faggot and Then I Got Punched and Now I'm Crying About It on YouTube

Allah has the other vid.

I'm posting this one, where he gets into a real froth. (Language Warning.)

Here's what I can't figure out, among other things:

1) He shrieks he's not afraid of Will.I.Am or his manager and he wanted them to know this. I do not know how this self-pitying edge-of-tears crying jag -- "I am a human being!" -- advances this "I'm not afraid of you" thesis.

2) He is shocked that Will.I.Am "followed him back to his hotel," which he then informs us, in the following sentence, was where the Black Eyed Peas were also staying. Anyone see the problem with "he followed me back to my hotel" when his hotel was also Will.I.Am's hotel?

3) He's a pussy. Okay, this one I understand. He obviously has had a soft life because he insists, contrary to reality, that he should be allowed to mouth off as bad as he wants and be as insulting as he wants and yet still "violence is never the answer." This is patently untrue, as all guys know: There is a limit, unless you're looking for a fight. You don't cross that line unless you want to fight.

Perez Hilton wants the "Girl Rule" applied to him. Women can in fact say pretty much whatever they like to a guy without earning a one-way ticket to Shinerville, but men can't. So this sissy is kinda saying "treat me like a lady."

Well, whatever.

4) I get this too, but I still am amused that tough-guy Will.I.Am has his manager punch people on his behalf, in order (as a commenter observed) to not blemish his manicure, I suppose.

Anyway. This is almost as good as the "Leave Britney alone" guy. In fact, he comes so close to that (that guy also said Britney Spears was a "human being"), I'm wondering how on-the-level it is. Does he have any idea how he's coming off? Is he doing it on purpose?

I doubt that, though. I think he just got a little too big for his britches and figured he could sass people like Liza Manelli on a four-day bender.

I think this is going to cost him readers. It's pathetic. Even if you're female, even if you sympathize with this blubbering, blubberous sissy, you can't get past the fact that he tried to insult this guy with fighting words -- by his own admission -- and dropped a supposedly forbidden slur (as bad as the n-word? Apparently not, as he skipped past that one) and now is crying like a bitch that he got socked.

Socked so bad, by the way, that he doesn't seem to have any visible bruising, except what might be some light abrasions on his forehead.

So the manager's a sissy too. Cold-cocked him, three times by Sissy #1's count, and yet couldn't even manage a decent bruise.

Oh: And since everyone's been making fun of him for tweeting his heinous assault, begging people to "call the police for me," despite the fact he had a phone in his hand, he sort of explains that too. I think. He was blubbering so much I sort of just heard waa waa waah.

The explanation somehow involved someone being a "subhuman" and him wanting the world to know that. Or something.

And also: This subhuman is also unprofessional. That's right. An unprofessional subhuman.

Recap: Have you guys ever read those snarky recaps of tv shows?

Well, Tinkerbell recaps this episode.


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posted by Ace at 10:13 PM

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