Spendulus: "Democrats Don't Have the Votes" | Main | Al Qaeda Gay-Rapes Young Men to, Um, Recruit Them As Suicide Bombers, or Something
February 04, 2009

Now Predator to Be Remade/Rebooted, with Robert Rodgriguez Attached

Whichever. Not sure.

Fun fact you probably already know: Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally. They had in mind a small, agile predator. Like space monkey Gleep.

But they realized it wasn't working -- the bad guy should be more imposing than the hero -- so they shut down production for like six weeks, redesigned the predator, cast a giant in the role, and re-shot the Predator parts.

The Trouble with Remakes: is this -- the filmmakers can't really simply remake the best, most memorable parts of the movies they're remaking. That would be "copying," and audiences would be annoyed at the re-do. So they do the good parts in a different way.

The trouble is, the original film got those parts right. And there are a thousand ways to screw up any particular movie but only one or two ways to get them right. So, the original film having gotten those parts right-- what do you think the odds are the remake will somehow manage to stumble upon the only other way of making it work at all?

Like, zero.

The awful Planet of the Apes remake tried to contrive a same-but-different "surprise ending" twist. They went through all this complex connivance of time portals opening at different times just to get the same payoff -- kinda -- as in the first one. Trouble was, not only had we seen that basic ending before, but we'd seen it simpler, starker, and more effectively once before; the new "surprise" ending was too cute by half and too complicated to have even 5% of the impact of the first. *

The Robocop remake won't remake the parts of that movie that really elevated it above the ordinary -- namely, Robocop's creepy-yet-understandable stalking of his onetime wife, and his ultimate recovery of his humanity with the simple invocation of his name, "Murphy" -- because that's been done. Instead they'll jigger up some obscure and complex emotional arc that's sort of like the first one but just different enough to leave the audience cold (and possibly scratching their heads).

I guess that's why they say don't remake moves that worked. The stuff you have to toss out in order to make the movie fresh is the stuff that worked the first time, and the odds of your coming up with something nearly as good are extraordinarily low.

* Charleton Heston really should have realized he was on Earth from the beginning. Not only was he in a world of horses and apes, but the apes spoke English.

Kind of a tip-off.

digg this
posted by Ace at 02:03 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
kraken: "Think I will watch some " Little Rascals " soon... ..."

Inconvenient Truths: "[i]We got to that point because the abuses in the ..."

NaCly Dog[/i][/b][/s]: " kraken Ace has almost no ad revenue. Yet, ..."

ThePrimordialOrderedPair: "[i]Posted by: JackStraw at June 17, 2019 07:31 PM ..."

Eromero: "Inconvenient Truths @ 343- Neither will I surrende ..."

NaCly Dog[/i][/b][/s]: "JackStraw The Embassy is the Congo needs staff. ..."

rayj: "Where I work, this entire article is grounds for a ..."

NaCly Dog[/i][/b][/s]: " saf The Embassy is the Congo needs staff. ..."

Subaru Valve Cover Gaskets: "350 The State Department are saying they have iden ..."

kraken: "Babylon Bee is soliciting subscriptions in order f ..."

JackStraw: "The State Department are saying they have identifi ..."

Lawyers: "Hey, what's all the fuss?  We get paid no mat ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64