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January 27, 2009

Overnight Open Thread, Lame Weaponry Edition (genghis)

(And anything else that crawls across your mental threshold.)

In keeping with the tradition of AosHQ being a very smart military blog, I’m pleased to present Cracked.com’s list of The 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons.

”What would you give for a working lightsaber? Or, barring that, a pulse rifle from Aliens?“

“If we could make fictional weapons real, there's no limit to the ass we could kick. That's because writers and prop departments are usually pretty good at coming up with weapons too badass to exist. Usually.

“Sometimes, though, they get so involved in making something that looks cool on the screen that they come up with a weapon that, in reality, would be more dangerous to the guy using it.”

Cracked harshes on the Bat’leth, but does make a good point. Nice ceremonial weapon for an “honorable” deathmatch, but why get up close and personal when a disruptor works perfectly fine? Note also how the first weapon they list (Batman’s “Batarang”) is basically just a compressed version of the bat’leth.

But there's a glaring omission on their list: The “Weirding Module” form David Lynch’s version of Dune. Never mind that the weapon wasn’t even in the novels, but hopefully it had some pretty sturdy safety measures built into it. As an amplified, sound-based pulverizing weapon, what happens if you suddenly have an uncontrollable sneeze while demonstrating it? Oh well, just get a new group of military advisors. I think in the movie they said that some words had a more devastating effect than others.

”Fuck using the house atomics…take this Sardaukar: ahhhhHHHHUNICORN!!!

Other powerful/destructive words are: heh, Valu-Rite, hobo, Skittles, cockholster, Hillary and vagina. That’s just a partial list.

Geekery x2 below the fold.

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC, now a partially pwnd subsidiary of BloggyMac, incorporated and enacted by action of the U.S. Congress on or about January 22nd, 2009. All rights reserved. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 11:29 PM

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