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October 24, 2008

Kathleen Parker Writes The Cattiest Article Evah Published Outside Wonkette

Today, Kathleen "Look at Me! Look at Me!" Parker has authored the most juvenile and catty piece of tripe I have ever seen published outside of the New York Times. Or Wonkette. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.

I hesitate to link it, because I don't want to give her the traffic. But I guess I have to do so, to prove that she actually "went there."

Where's there? How about "John McCain picked Sarah Palin with his dick." (Paraphrased to suit the gist of the article.)

Here is what happens when a woman of little talent (be honest, had any of you even heard of Kathleen Parker before 3 weeks ago?) realizes that not only does she not have anything particularly insightful to say, but she has a megaphone with which to prove it to all in earshot.

One does not have to be a psychoanalyst to reckon that McCain was smitten. By no means am I suggesting anything untoward between McCain and his running mate. Palin is a governor, after all. She does have an executive resume, if a thin one. And she's a natural politician who connects with people.

But there can be no denying that McCain's selection of her over others far more qualified -- and his mind-boggling lack of attention to details that matter -- suggests other factors at work. His judgment may have been clouded by ... what?

What indeed, Miss Parker?

Why don't we talk about your motivations for writing this garbage, Miss Parker?

After all, I don't know you and I doubt you know either Senator McCain or Governor Palin, so that puts me in the same relative place as you to make a long distance judgment.

And here's what I think is your motivation: the realization that you are an aging "never was" with no chance of ever rising to the level of "could be" compels you to destroy somebody that possesses the physical and intellectual gifts that you never came close to attaining despite all the money and hours you spent perfecting your posture or debating the finer points of Plato in charm school as daddy's little princess.

Your "writing" and "analysis" are akin to the desperate wails of an aging B-list actress who desperately claims to be ready for her close up but only if the "Cybill Shepherd blurry lens" is used.

It hurts to realize that life has passed you by, doesn't it Miss Parker? It sucks to realize that a new generation of brighter, principled and talented people are replacing the likes of you and Miss Noonan.

I wonder what you think at night when you flip on Bill O'Reilly and you see the likes of Townhall's Amanda Carpenter, or the Weekly Standard's Mary Katharine Ham, or Michelle Malkin on the show. You die a little inside, don't you?

Yeah, if you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you do. So in a classic act of jealousy you lash out at all these younger, more talented women by attacking a different woman who is archetypical of this upcoming generation of relevant female conservative thinkers.

I gotta admit, this psychoanalysis at a distance is pretty fun.

Let's look at some more of your thought process at work, shall we?

If McCain, rightful heir to the presidency, loses to Obama, history undoubtedly will note that he was defeated at least in part by his own besotted impulse to discount the future. If he wins, then he must be credited with having correctly calculated nature's power to befuddle. if McCain's Palin's fault and McCain is an idiot for picking her. If McCain wins, it's America's fault because Palin was just too damn goodlooking for our own good!

God, you are a bitter harpie. One might say you were bitterly clinging to your relevance, but then one would be lying. You never had any.

I congratulate you on winning the "new respect seeking" race to the bottom. I hope this accomplishment fills that empty space that makes you cry at night.

Meanwhile, Peggy Noonan finds the selection of Sarah Palin to be a vulgar affront to democracy because for the life of her she can not remember anyone named "Palin" being a fellow traveller on the Mayflower.

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posted by Jack M. at 03:31 AM

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