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Plus, Yes: Cool Facts About Joe "Fuckin'" Wurzelbacher
October 16, 2008

The New Salem Witch Hunts (Kat-Mo)

Just in time for Halloween. When you thought that witch hunts and public stonings were the thing of the past (or only seen in Pakistan and Iran), our great media and their democrat overlords whipped out the torches and pitchforks to persue their arch enemy: regular Joe conservatives. It was bad enough when they went after Sarah Palin. Now, it's Joe the Plumber.

As soon as Joe became a de facto spokes person for all of the regular Joe conservatives, the media decided he had to be investigated as if was actually running for public office. As a Republican, of course. Democrats get a free pass.

What do they find first?


Well, Joe's not registered to vote. Oops! After a few hours of water torture, their bad, Joe is registered to vote. So sorry, here's a towel.

Joe apparently didn't like the old taxes anymore than the new taxes. But, hey, isn't that the point? Joe's taxes are too damn big in the first place, why does Sen. Obama want to raise Joe's taxes again? Who cares! Break out the Iron Maiden! Obviously, Joe needs to learn his patriotic duty!

And, of course, the piece de resistance, Joe shaves his head, votes Republican and compares Obama's answers to his questions to Sammy Davis Jr tap dancing. Finally! The silver bullet! The water that will melt this middle class, Joe the Plumber, juggernaut: he is racist!

Break out the branding irons! Sew on the Scarlet "R"! Let's lynch this dumb plumber that had the audacity to stand in line and ask The Chosen One about his tax policy! It's racist to question where you're money is going! Everybody knows when Joe doesn't want to "spread his wealth around" he's just refusing to share it with minorities.

He had the audacity to question hope! He refuses to change his evil ways! For the love of G_d, why couldn't he have picked Gregory Hines? After all, there are so many notable tap dancers to pick from. Like that old, dead white guy, Fred Astaire! Or, his equally dead partner, Ginger Rogers. If this plumber had just been a little more tech savvy than John McCain he could have googled Gene Kelly!

Yes, those mobs are just waiting with baited breath by their doors with torches and pitch forks at the ready. Anyone that doesn't have a big freaking "O" for Obama on it is racist and needs to be driven from the public square. Even some of the "D"emocrat people are just warmed over "R's" according to Rep. Murtha.

At this rate, we can expect to see chocolate Easter Bunnies outlawed and Black Limos lining up at Maaco to get a new paint job so as not to offend the torch carrying, pitchfork wielding, limo renting mob. A chauffer has got to make a living! Wait! Isn't "chauffer" racist?

Seriously, some people need to put down the torches and pitchforks and go home. Get a new hobby like crocheting or kicking puppies before the mental implosion does serious damage.

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posted by xgenghisx at 02:18 PM

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