Remember, Kos Says He Doesn't Just Want to Win, He Wants to "Crush Your Spirits" | Main | Is "Spread the Wealth" Obama's Poland?
Plus, Yes: Cool Facts About Joe "Fuckin'" Wurzelbacher
October 16, 2008

The New Salem Witch Hunts (Kat-Mo)

Just in time for Halloween. When you thought that witch hunts and public stonings were the thing of the past (or only seen in Pakistan and Iran), our great media and their democrat overlords whipped out the torches and pitchforks to persue their arch enemy: regular Joe conservatives. It was bad enough when they went after Sarah Palin. Now, it's Joe the Plumber.

As soon as Joe became a de facto spokes person for all of the regular Joe conservatives, the media decided he had to be investigated as if was actually running for public office. As a Republican, of course. Democrats get a free pass.

What do they find first?

Well, Joe's not registered to vote. Oops! After a few hours of water torture, their bad, Joe is registered to vote. So sorry, here's a towel.

Joe apparently didn't like the old taxes anymore than the new taxes. But, hey, isn't that the point? Joe's taxes are too damn big in the first place, why does Sen. Obama want to raise Joe's taxes again? Who cares! Break out the Iron Maiden! Obviously, Joe needs to learn his patriotic duty!

And, of course, the piece de resistance, Joe shaves his head, votes Republican and compares Obama's answers to his questions to Sammy Davis Jr tap dancing. Finally! The silver bullet! The water that will melt this middle class, Joe the Plumber, juggernaut: he is racist!

Break out the branding irons! Sew on the Scarlet "R"! Let's lynch this dumb plumber that had the audacity to stand in line and ask The Chosen One about his tax policy! It's racist to question where you're money is going! Everybody knows when Joe doesn't want to "spread his wealth around" he's just refusing to share it with minorities.

He had the audacity to question hope! He refuses to change his evil ways! For the love of G_d, why couldn't he have picked Gregory Hines? After all, there are so many notable tap dancers to pick from. Like that old, dead white guy, Fred Astaire! Or, his equally dead partner, Ginger Rogers. If this plumber had just been a little more tech savvy than John McCain he could have googled Gene Kelly!

Yes, those mobs are just waiting with baited breath by their doors with torches and pitch forks at the ready. Anyone that doesn't have a big freaking "O" for Obama on it is racist and needs to be driven from the public square. Even some of the "D"emocrat people are just warmed over "R's" according to Rep. Murtha.

At this rate, we can expect to see chocolate Easter Bunnies outlawed and Black Limos lining up at Maaco to get a new paint job so as not to offend the torch carrying, pitchfork wielding, limo renting mob. A chauffer has got to make a living! Wait! Isn't "chauffer" racist?

Seriously, some people need to put down the torches and pitchforks and go home. Get a new hobby like crocheting or kicking puppies before the mental implosion does serious damage.

digg this
posted by xgenghisx at 02:18 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Nick in Tallahassee: "I think Thurgood and Brennan are the only two exam ..."

Mikey NTH - A Scold for All Seasons - The Karen Chronicles Volume II now available at The Outrage Ou: "405 ''the riots are coordinated ... dunno why but ..."

RoyalOil: "You know the same assholes who are sudden free spe ..."

Captain Hate: "[i]Enjoy dealing with this Keith - you won't be ab ..."

Sporkatus: "As to why to target Target, the local identificati ..."

REDACTED: "393 I'm tired of this, and of practically everythi ..."

OneEyedJack: "I like how a guy making a six digit salary is tell ..."

lizabth: "They just set a TJ Maxx on fire in the Twin Cities ..."

Romeo13: "404 Wolfus, supposedly restaurants can open up in ..."

Rodrigo Borgia: "Wilkinson specializes in criminal defense, I belie ..."

blake - semi lurker in marginal standing: "As Minnesota's Chief Prosecutor, Amy Klobuchar pus ..."

Old Blue: "Bailiff! Whack that judge on the pee pee! Repeated ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64