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September 24, 2008

Japanese Markets Plunge 35% on Shock News That Clay Aiken is Gay

Note that Japanese markets may not actually be plunging.

Clay Aiken is finally confirming what many people already knew: He's gay. The cover of the latest People magazine shows Aiken holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay." The cover also has the quote: "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

Rumors first surfaced about the American Idol finalist when people realized he looked like this:

Bernacke and Paulsen have issued a statement that investors should not panic. The markets, they say, have already "substantially priced-in the Clay Aiken Gay risk."

Barney Frank, on the other hand, announced "This is further evidence that capitalism does not work."






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