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June 16, 2008

Saudi Arabia, US Will Combine to Produce Another 200,000 Barrels of Oil Per Day in July

A small but possibly helpful increase of supply.

Of the 200,000 additional barrels of oil the US and the terrorist-sympathizing kleptocracy of Saudi Arabia will soon begin producing together, the US will be producing zero barrels, and Saudi Arabia will be producing the remaining 200,000.

Democrats heralded the breakthrough, and stated that they hoped the "US could continue expanding its oil production by zero barrels every year into the near future."

"By the year 2040," one Democratic strategist explained, "all those zero-barrels of additonal production will add up to an eye-popping total of zeroty-zero million barrels," possibly reducing oil prices by up to zero percent.

The additional US revenue from the expanded production is estimated conservatively to run into the zero quadriillions of dollars.

A quadrillion is a 1 followed by 15 zeroes, except if it's zero quadrillion, in which case it's a zero followed by another 15 zeroes. "That's even more zeros than a normal quadrillion," enthused Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. A Democratic-leaning mathematician agrees: "Zero quadrillion is functionally equal to zero quntillion or even zero octillion."

Taking a page from Newt Gingrich's six-point Contract with America, Pelosi unveiled her party's zero-point plan to increase domestic production, in a press conference which lasted zero minutes and consisted of extensive hand-outs of blank sheets of paper including a novel display called "the invisible pie chart."

Republicans have decided to only half-heartedly oppose the Democratic plan, preferring instead a less-confrontational course which may help them in the 2008 elections. "By navigating a 'middle course' between the Democrats' obstructionist plan to produce zero additional barrels of oil, and John McCain's bold but unrealistic promise to produce as many as zero additional barrels, we can pick up possibly zero sets in November, or maybe even twice that," said a Republican strategist.

Although some critics charge that this position is "weak" and "pointless," the strategist explained: "It's taken the GOP a long time and hard work to garner zero confidence from the public on energy policy, and we're not about to jeopardize our one advantage over the Democrats."


McCain, meanwhile, fashions a gutless political stance by which he can claim he supports further oil exploration while actually ducking his responsibility as a would-be President by dumping the question off to the states.

He wants to end the moratorium on offshore drilling -- good, to be sure -- but then give states the right to determine if oil can be drilled far, far off their coasts, a right they really don't have. (Offshore drilling is a federal question.)

He will offer states "additional revenue" from the oil money if they allow drilling, which could be a small inducement, but don't expect the enviro-wacko state of California to allow it no matter how much money they're paid.

I can sort of understand the reason for this gutless politically-convenient non-position -- he doesn't want to lose Florida, a state he must win in 2008 -- but this is hardly the bold and honest leadership he's been promising since 1999.


BTW: I guess the post's crack about Congressional Republicans isn't really fair, as they're trying to expand production. Still, I don't think they're doing enough, and I'm still pissed off they didn't take care of this when they were in power.

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posted by Ace at 03:49 PM

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