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June 07, 2008

Breaking: Seattle Parks Department also bans volcanoes and forest fires (genghis)

Update: Seattle Parks Dept. backs off. According to this press release, they've decided not to take any action this year. Apparently they released this Friday afternoon, but it wasn't really publicized much until Saturday night. Note in the press release that they've seriously downplayed the global warming aspect. It's all about the "associated behaviors," you see (drinking, loud music, huge amounts of trash, including the leftover bones and organs from hobo-skinning, etc.)

At least I'm pretty sure they included that last part...or I'm just reading between the lines. Whatever, I'm just not sure this is an improvement over their initial "global warming" reasoning since they may still ban the beach fires due to the effects of the AoSHQ Lifestyle. So please remember, people, leave the beach as you found it and pack out your empty vodka bottles and the excess body parts when you leave so that we can preserve this cherished tradition for future generations.

(end of update)

Ace posted about this yesterday. The Seattle Parks and Recreation Department wants to outlaw beach bonfires in order to combat global warming. I would’ve weighed in at the time, since I live in that gawdforsaken place, but I was passed out in a pool of …um, never mind that.

But I have it on good word that the Department has also passed some new regulations in their Star Chamber overnight. Besides beach bonfires, the following will also be banned:

I’ll just use some simple graphics here to illustrate the new rules since most of you can’t read beyond a simple PhD level:

Banned, Miss St. Helens…$175 fine

Nope. Nosiree. $400 fine. Illegal burning. You understand, we’re just doing our jobs here.

Well, thankfully, the Seattle Parks and Recreation Department is up to the task. And their efforts to combat global warming have already paid off! Due to their diligent efforts, they were able to keep the temperature here down to a comfortable 52 degrees yesterday. Bonus: snow forecast in the mountains! Year-round skiing is just around the corner. ‘Bout damn time.

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posted by xgenghisx at 11:44 AM

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