« Tainted Cheese fuels TB rise in California (genghis) | Main | Clinton Suspends Campaign; Will Endorse Obama
Open Thread »
June 07, 2008

Breaking: Seattle Parks Department also bans volcanoes and forest fires (genghis)

Update: Seattle Parks Dept. backs off. According to this press release, they've decided not to take any action this year. Apparently they released this Friday afternoon, but it wasn't really publicized much until Saturday night. Note in the press release that they've seriously downplayed the global warming aspect. It's all about the "associated behaviors," you see (drinking, loud music, huge amounts of trash, including the leftover bones and organs from hobo-skinning, etc.)

At least I'm pretty sure they included that last part...or I'm just reading between the lines. Whatever, I'm just not sure this is an improvement over their initial "global warming" reasoning since they may still ban the beach fires due to the effects of the AoSHQ Lifestyle. So please remember, people, leave the beach as you found it and pack out your empty vodka bottles and the excess body parts when you leave so that we can preserve this cherished tradition for future generations.

(end of update)

Ace posted about this yesterday. The Seattle Parks and Recreation Department wants to outlaw beach bonfires in order to combat global warming. I would’ve weighed in at the time, since I live in that gawdforsaken place, but I was passed out in a pool of …um, never mind that.

But I have it on good word that the Department has also passed some new regulations in their Star Chamber overnight. Besides beach bonfires, the following will also be banned:

I’ll just use some simple graphics here to illustrate the new rules since most of you can’t read beyond a simple PhD level:

Banned, Miss St. Helens…$175 fine

Nope. Nosiree. $400 fine. Illegal burning. You understand, we’re just doing our jobs here.

Well, thankfully, the Seattle Parks and Recreation Department is up to the task. And their efforts to combat global warming have already paid off! Due to their diligent efforts, they were able to keep the temperature here down to a comfortable 52 degrees yesterday. Bonus: snow forecast in the mountains! Year-round skiing is just around the corner. ‘Bout damn time.

digg this
posted by xgenghisx at 11:44 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Barky, returning science to its proper role: " And they dared call you deplorable. Posted by: ..."

dyno-elite canned hate: "Beautiful picture. The American flag is kissing Pr ..."

Curious : "So Bourdain bad mouthed the Clintons, then showed ..."

Northernlurker: "Six months today I had my last conversation with F ..."

boulder t'hobo: "What name does Monica Louise Berlin use when she c ..."

hogmartin: "[i]Dammit! Not first! I really needed the set of g ..."

Pete Seria: "Hey, top 50! Yay me ..."

tonypete: "Six months today I had my last conversation with F ..."

boulder t'hobo: "If Boulder agrees on something, it is wrong. ..."

Anon a mouse: "Ahh. Nice. *stretches out* ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "The cheapies: Wiki: Air-activated hand warme ..."

Brad Smith: "Microsoft has helped innovate facial recognition s ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64