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April 28, 2008

"Economic Stimulus" Checks Go Out Early

A few days ahead of schedule.

WASHINGTON - The government started depositing thousands of rebate checks in taxpayers' bank accounts on Monday, earlier than originally scheduled, with the Bush administration hoping the payments will give a jump-start to a weak economy.

Eh. Whatever. Just because I think it's dumb doesn't mean I won't take it. Dave in Texas has long recommended "never say no to free money" (like employer matching contributions to retirement plans).

But what to do with it? Not sure. What are you morons planning to do with yours? I mean, those of you who aren't students of the Wesley Snipes Tax Filing and Preparation Institute?

Show America how you're going to get this economy back on its feet in the comments. I've run some numbers if you're curious, in the extended entry.

Most of you could see as much as $600 bucks. With $600 you could buy:

27 Tranny Thai Hookers

5 barrels of oil

Paul Anka "Rock Swings", the boxed set, and shirts for all the guys

46 boxes of .45 practice ammo

a prom dress

14 cases of Valu-Rite Vodka

203 orders of cheesy fries, and a coke

.75 ounces of gold

I am not shitting you about the dress

13 basketballs

a dozen free range hobos

60 seconds with Congressman Jack Murtha

53 copies of It's a Jungle Out There (if you're willing to wait a few months I'll bet you could get a couple of hundred for the same amount of jack)

seriously, a friggin dress

Half of a really disgusting Spiderman tat

Just a few suggestions off the top of my head. Let's hear yours! C'mon America, we're all in this together.

digg this
posted by Dave In Texas at 02:47 PM

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