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April 10, 2008

And Yet Another Shock Predictable Cliche: Lindsey Lohan Will Appear Nude (Wow!) in Indie Movie (How Unexpected!) To Prove She's a "Serious Actress" (Ahem)

The trouble with all child stars is that they're children, but like all children want adults to think of them as adults, and engage in the same childish behavior to convince adults of that. Which only makes them appear even more callow.

The vanity project I Know Who Killed Me was just an idiotic attempt to prove she was "adult" (she plays a bad-girl stripper!) and a "serious actress" (she plays a dual role, also playing a good-girl prodigy!).

So now we're at nudity. I don't mind looking at her nude, but honestly, she's never going to recapture that bloom of sexual ripeness she had in Mean Girls.

No, wait, that wasn't it. What's the one I mean? Oh yeah, The Parent Trap.

No, that was awful. I meant Mean Girls. But seriously, she'd better get her crap under control because she's got the mind of Dakota Fanning running around in what is fast becoming the body of Carol Channing.

The girl is modestly and only modestly talented at light comedy but can't accept that. Next stop: A serious, dramatic role in a high-budget, "quality" porno. We'll know it's a serious role, though, because she'll play three roles, like Peter Sellars did in Dr. Strangelove. Except the roles will be called Oral, Vaginal, and Anal.

That'll learn us.

Thanks to Mike.

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posted by Ace at 05:00 PM

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