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March 12, 2008

Filth, Etc.

Welcome, Gamer Dorks.

I've been getting some traffic from GameSpot, XBOX, and Halo3 forums lately. Mostly that Filth, etc. post.

Anyway, geeks, glad you're coming by. You might want to check this out, my Generic Universal Walk-Thru For Every Fucking Game You've Ever Fucking Played.

...

Sheriff: Woman Sat on Toilet for 2 Years

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) - Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

Two years in the can, huh? I called that "Junior High."

I've faced the same addiction myself. I, too, have chased the Porcelain Dragon. I have had the White Monkey on my backside.

Kicking it was awful; I spent three straight days sick in the toilet. Which was actually not that bad, because that's where I was planning to be anyhow.

Remember my old, old theory? To wit, my theory that the Japanese are very, very deeply fucking weird?

Yeah. Still viable.

More and more [Japanese] men, reports maintain, are turning to masturbation and sex toys rather than to their female counterparts. And further exacerbating an already declining birthrate of 1.29 children per women found in a 2004 survey by The Daily Yomiuri, is the fact that some men are increasingly turning their backs on sex.

...

Pornography, masturbation aids, Internet porn sites and social networks that lead to "virtual relationships", soaplands and Japan's widespread prostitution industry all allow men outlets for sexual fulfillment while not fulfilling other needs, such as procreation. The alarming trend has led medical experts in Japan to coin a new term for a condition they call "vaginal ejaculation dysfunctional disorder".

"There has been a definite increase in the number of men showing signs of vaginal ejaculation dysfunction disorder, which includes such afflictions as premature and delayed ejaculation. There are physical reasons believed to be behind this, including prejudice against women, past trauma and overuse of masturbatory aids so that a vagina is unable to provide sufficient stimulation," Dr Tsuneo Akaeda, head of the Akaeda Clinic in Tokyo's Roppongi entertainment district, told Shukan Asahi.

"Some of the masturbation aids coming out nowadays are absolutely incredible. Guys become used to using these and there is no doubt that many men are unable to obtain the necessary satisfaction from a female vagina that they need to ejaculate."

Talk about media bias. It reads like an advertisement, doesn't it?

If only Sharper Image had known about this. They might have avoided bankruptcy.

Paying $1200 for a tricksy putter? No thanks. But now slap an "amazing" plastic vagina to the handle, well, now maybe we can do some fucking business.

Thanks to Sheryl, skh and Dan.

More: Not so funny: 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD.

Kate Beckinsdale: "I'd rather eat vagina than sushi." This girl is really showing me something lately:

Speaking to Mean magazine, the Pearl Harbor actress admits that she is unable to eat raw food because it doesn’t appeal to her.

She says: “I can’t do raw. I can’t do sushi, even. Anything that has that vaginal quality to it. I’d rather an actual vagina than that, honestly."

The 34-year old also explains the inspiration behind high-heeled shoes: “Apparently, during orgasm, a woman’s feet move like this [makes tiptoe gesture], and that’s the reason they invented high heels.

“So next time you’re having an orgasm, pay attention to your feet and you’ll see.”

When last we saw this delightful minx, she was asked what her best feature was. Her answer?

“My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I'm told it is spectacular. But you can't really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?"

After a giggling fit, Kate then enlighten the interviewer, by silently mouthing the magical words: “My twat.”

Not necessarily the kind of girl you want to bring home to mama, but you know what? Mama can just grow the fuck up and understand that a man has needs.

An ex of hers just emailed me:

Sirs:

Ms. Beckinsdale is telling the truth -- she's amazing down there. It's like, like, I don't know-- it's like plastic or something.

Sincerely,

Hiro Yoshimoto
3rd Baseman for the Kyoto Bunny-Dragons


Addendum: Can anyone make heads or tails of the below video?


It's in Japanese, so I have no idea what story they're discussing that has them so animated, but it seems to involve a broken door and a woman smuggling, under her hoodie, what appears to be a mating pair of endangered Perth koalas.

Can anyone provide any guesses as to the backstory here?

Sure seems interesting, that's for sure.


digg this
posted by Ace at 03:55 PM

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