Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups






















« Is this enough to knock Obama out? | Main | New HamNation »
February 22, 2008

Filth, Etc.

Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, also known by the medical term Advanced Chronic Fucking Awesome.

I'm going to the edit the "saids" and "asked" and such here to make it 15% hotter. But all the quotes and stuff are 100% real. I also changed the complications arising from Priapism, and added a kicker after a doctor's odd suggestion

ABC News spoke with four women who all experience unwanted sexual sensations. Heather Dearmon, Nancy Austin, and two women who requested anonymity (referred to as Lauren and Emily) all suffer from unintended sexual arousal.

"It's unwanted sexual sensations in your vagina," Dearmon purred.

"And sex doesn't help it," Lauren squealed, girlishly excited. "Orgasm doesn't relieve it, sometimes it makes it stronger. This is to me, irritating, torture."

"You spend a lot of time avoiding situations that will set you off," Austin said between puffs of her cigarette, silver smoke curling around her devilishly jet-black hair like a misplaced halo.

...

"It's spontaneous, intrusive, and unwanted genital arousal — consisting of throbbing, pulsing or tingling without the person's sexual interest or desire," Dr. Goldstein growled, setting down his broadsword and gazing lustily at the pretty prize he had won.

"I thought I was alone in this," Dearmon unuttoned her blouse for fear her heaving breasts might burst through them -- anything for relief, sweet, precious relief. "And this is after seeing every kind of doctor imaginable, gynecologist, psychologist, psychiatrist — you know, everything. And none had ever heard of anything."

The medical consultations were not only confusing but, at times, condescending. Dearmon said one of her doctors told her to get a hobby, and another doctors suggested she become a lesbian... for his dark pleasure.

...

"Is it coming from the brain? Is it coming from the body? Is it, is it a nerve?" Emily asked, embarrassed at her own filthy curiosity; but something had wakened within her, something primal, something hungry...

...

"Their genitals are aroused 24/7, 365 and they can't concentrate," Dr. Goldstein sneered as he drew out his man-arrow from its trousher-quiver. "They can't work. Anything that moves or vibrates will lead them into orgasmic release."

Dearmon was one of those women who had symptoms day-in and day-out. "It's like it's living on its own, with its own mind," she thrilled.

Dearmon and her husband Jeremy have been dealing with PSAS since it began during her pregnancy 12 years ago.

"I felt like I lost myself," Dearmon confessed, smiling coquettishly, quite unsure if this wondrous new game had gone... perhaps too far?

At first, they thought the sensations would stop when she gave birth. Instead they intensified, lasting 24 hours a day. Dearmon found only one way to stop them.

"I was masturbating in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night," Dearmon taunted, her nipples painted whorishly with red lipstick. "I would be crying while I was, you know, masturbating because — nobody wants to do that all day long."

...


Men can have a similar problem with unwanted and prolonged arousal called Priapism, which is an engorged penis lasting for more than four hours. In males it is a medical emergency that includes complications such as awesomeness and captaining a pirate ship.

And yeah, I understand this is real disease and awful and all that, but really, even doctors are mentioned in the article saying stuff like "I wish my wife had that," so come on, give me a break.

I'm just a man. I have a breaking point.

Meanwhile, in Britain, a man is convicted of murdering a model and having sex with her corpse.

His defense? He didn't kill her; he just found the dead body and (I swear to God) "inadvertently" had sex with it.

The jury found that difficult to believe.

This is why I don't have sex with dead bodies myself. You're just setting yourself up for this kind of misunderstanding.

Oh... And I'm not way to horny to bother looking up a cite, but Scott writes, regarding the Gene Simmons Sex Tape (also known as Detroit Fucks City):

It's been reported out here in LA that Gene Simmons owns the video copyrights of the sex tape, so the genessexvideo.com (which was selling the video) is going to/has gotten a cease and desist order with regards to releasing the video.

Yeah, I'm sure he'll get on that cease and desist order right away.

So Liberals Ain't Got No Lead In Their Pencils? On Monday, the Minnesota Star-Tribune, known (I think) as the Red Star for its somewhat Communist leanings yearnings, had its sports page sponsored 100% by erectile dysfunction ads.

And not just any ED elixirs — no, these are the special kinds, so mysterious in the ways of the herb that the Food and Drug Administration does not evaluate them! Aspire36, promising you will "Satisfy Her Like Never Before," and Vazopren, the giver of "Maximum Sexual Performance."


The, er, deflating news? The two quarter-page ads were the only ones in the eight-page section — a truly abysmal percentage that will get journalists agitated in all the wrong ways.

The liberal MSM is dying just like their virility.

Thanks to Matthew.


digg this
posted by Ace at 02:37 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ Next year in Corsicana - again! ~ [/i][/b][/u][/s]: "Twasn't me that now has an appointment with the ba ..."

Braenyard - some absent friends are more equal than others: "His daddy was a pistol and he was a son of a gun. ..."

Tonypete: "[/i] Good evening Italicans! ..."

Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ Next year in Corsicana - again! ~ [/i][/b][/u][/s]: "Argggh! [/i] ..."

Pug Mahon, Pledge in a Beanie: "The chill I just felt was knowing that I am LAST! ..."

Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ Next year in Corsicana - again! ~ [/i][/b][/u][/s]: "Nice one TRex! ..."

AlaBAMA DeButts: "Italican noods ..."

JohnFNotKerry: "italics ..."

mindful webworker - so they say: "Overnight thread, overnight thread Pops up when I ..."

AlaBAMA DeButts: "Egads! Italicans! ..."

JohnFNotKerry: "wow 5th ..."

Pug Mahon, Pledge in a Beanie: " Doof! Howdy, amigo. Posted by: Notorious BFD at ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64