Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!





Recent Entries
Death To The Gitmo Six: "This Has To Happen" | Main | Danes arrest three in Westergaard murder plot
February 13, 2008

Mythical Scottish Monster killed By Mythical Scientific Weather Consensus

That's right.

Scotland's beloved Nessie is believed by one cryptozoologist to have died.

Apparently, Nessie succumbed to the only mythical force greater than she: ManBearPig Global Warming.

LEGENDARY Nessie hunter Robert Rines is giving up his search for the monster after 37 years. The 85-year-old American will make one last trip in a bid to find the elusive beast. After almost four decades of fruitless expeditions, he admitted: "Unfortunately, I'm running out of age." World War II veteran Robert has devoted almost half his life to scouring Loch Ness. He started in 1971. The following year, he watched a 25ft-long hump with the texture of elephant skin gliding through the water.

FOX News ALERT: That hump you saw wasn't Nessie. It was LauraW swimming laps in the Scottish Highlands. She migrates there annually to dine on Haggis and Scottish children.

Since then, he has been obsessed with tracking down the creature with a staggering array of hi-tech equipment. It was this gear that took the famous "flipper" picture that year which created a stir around the world. Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming. He still wants to check almost 100 contacts on the floor of the loch, believing one may be the monster's remains.

Global Warming: It's in yur atmosfear killin' yur monstas since 2008.


digg this
posted by Jack M. at 08:36 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting.: "[i]There's a lot of this. There's a near-contempt ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: Soona at September 02, 2014 01:54 PM (f ..."

Kristophr: "Bob Belcher:"Jesus" and "God" are part of the cult ..."

Naes: ""337 Agree. Never once in all my life have I ever ..."

Barry: "Who is Sotloff? ..."

chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) : "Late to the party, but ladies, do not put your jun ..."

gdonovan: "Anyone who takes a nudie shot with a cell phone sh ..."

fixerupper: " Yes.... the girls are victims. But.... they a ..."

Alec Leamas: "anyone in love tends to think that Love Will Last ..."

BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk: "[i]Posted by: ace at September 02, 2014 01:49 PM ( ..."

Misanthropic Humanitarian : "Was the hacking despicable? Yes. Am i going to ..."

ace: ">>>Ace's cybersex chats are stored on an old AOL d ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64