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November 23, 2007

Things to be Thankfull for (post-holiday reflection)

Howdy, all. As I awoke from my l-tryphtophan coma yesterday afternoon to see the Cowboys punking the hapless Jets, I realized that we Americans have it better than we can imagine. There has never been a time or place where living was easier than it is right here, right now. Instead of complaining about how Democrats want to surrender in Iraq, Republicans want to gorge themselves on government pork while debating how many abortionists can fit on the head of a pin, and Hollywood wants to teach 13-year old girls the pleasures of DVDA, I thought I'd try to make a short list of reasons I'm thankful this holiday season.


1. I'm glad for those who agree to leave their loved ones for months or years at a time to make the world just a little bit safer for the rest of us. Words can't express the gratitude these people deserve from America.

2. I'm grateful for blogs. Without blogs, I never would have encountered the Band of Morons who make me laugh & inspire me every day.

3. I'm grateful that CBS decided to show the Packers/Lions and the Cowboys/Jets games yesterday. It kept us from having to watch the 12-part miniseries that Iowa PBS was showing yesterday afternoon: "Gabriel Mallor Presents: The History of International Law".

4. I'm grateful for sweatpants & big 'ol sweaters. After all that deep fried turkey, sweet potato casserole, regular AND cornbread stuffing, and pie, I'm dug into the couch today like an Alabama tick, so to speak.

5. I'm grateful for freedom. Freedom to worship as I choose, freedom to speak my mind, and freedom to believe that America is a blessed country. How great is freedom? It's so great that we even let douchnozzles who believe that the NSA, the Freemasons and the JOOOOOOS conspired to knock down the WTC in order to corner the market on Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice (or something like that) spew their verbal sewage all over the internet to celebrate their freedom. In a country without freedom, all the fucktards screeching about the "Reich-wing" government that runs America would have all been rounded up & put into camps years ago. What's the word I'm searching for here.......oh yeah: Irony.

6. I'm somewhat thankful for the slight economic downturn we've experienced lately. Yeah, I know; some people have lost their jobs or are on thin ice, but I choose to look on the bright side. Economic uncertainty helps replenish the nation's population of hobos, which is important to a conservationist like myself.

7. I'm grateful that our nation's traditional thanksgiving feast is turkey, cranberry sauce & stuffing.....instead of Dave's Afterburner Chili, puffy cheetos & the special Holiday Cranberry flavored Val-U-Rite Vodka.

8. I'm grateful that I am slightly more smooth with the ladies than Jack M.

9. I'm glad that we don't live in a country dominated by deci-fascism, where a man has to stretch his imagination & include one or two throwaway "reasons to be thankful" just to get his list up to ten items.

10. Bacon.


On a serious note, I'd like to thank Ace for giving me a forum here. I look at all the greats of the blogging world who have graced the pages of the AoSHQ over the past few years (Ace, Allah, Dave in Texas, LauraW, Hoke Malokey, Paul Anka, Dave in Texas, Paul Anka, Donald Trump, etc.), and I realize that I'm not worthy. Thankfully, because Ace is currently being questioned by the New Jersey State Police regarding a burlap sack of thumbs & kneecaps found at an Interstate Rest Area last weekend, he's in no position to keep me from posting this today. Thanks for giving me a spare set of keys to the blog, Ace. You're a real mensch, brudda.

Have a happy remainder of the holiday weekend, morons. You deserve it.

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posted by Russ from Winterset at 12:18 PM

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