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August 12, 2007

When were you, the king? [dri]

Life is short and moments when you are the King (or the Queen) are few and far between. Reflect upon your life and let the morons of AoSHQ know of that one time when you shined brighter than a laser pointer blinding a Jet Blue pilot’s eyes on final approach. Let your fellow ‘Spades know of that one time, that ONE time when you defied all the odds and for a fleeting moment felt like a rock star.

. Maybe it was that time when you went on a date with someone who was way, way, way out of your league. Or maybe it was that time when you rocked someone’s world so much in bed that it took her 20 minutes to pull the sheet out of the crack of her ass. Whatever the event, share with your fellow dopey Ace-holes that one time when you were the undisputed champion of the world.

My story: A few years back I was working at a large law firm in Mid-town Manhattan. A legal secretary there was a total fox and a half. She looked a little like Marissa Tomei in the movie “My Cousin Vinny” only a lot better looking and a lot sexier. Me, being the shameless jerk that I am, asked her out on a date. Much to my chagrin she agreed and we set up a date for Saturday. I picked her up at her apartment in Brooklyn, NY and she got in my car dressed in a long trench coat. We drove to Manhattan to a restaurant called “Docks” in a pouring rain storm. I parked and told her “wait there; I will come to your door with the umbrella”. I was not trying to be swavie or anything but those words had the same effect on her as “Amex Black card” has on a Jewish American Princess. They turned her into a Costco sized jar of sexual jelly.
We got to the restaurant and she took off her coat. Underneath was a vision of Venus. My date was wearing the tightest sexiest leopard skin outfit I had ever seen. My mouth dropped and a large dollop of drool spilled out onto the floor. My date had achieved the unachievable: she looked hotter than any woman I had ever even fantasized about. She. Was. Perfect.
Through out the date I don’t think I heard a word she said. I just stared at her mouth speechless as she talked, sort of like Ace at his Jr prom (with his cousin). This chick was so hot she could put napalm out of business! The icing on the cake came when she got up to go to the ladies room. As she walked up the stairs, every guy in the restaurant’s eyes were molesting her. I especially enjoyed the couple seated at the table next to us. The guy had spent the evening nervously ignoring my date, pretending not to notice her. His wife, aware of my date’s exhibitionist aptitude, knew that her husband had seen my dinner minx. I reveled in the tension that my date caused them. I loved how my sexy date had ruined their monthly night out. At that moment, I was the ultimate mac daddy. I was Elvis playing Nashville. I was, well you know the picture…
As even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, I want to know that one experience when YOU were the King of kings.

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posted by xgenghisx at 07:09 PM

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