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July 23, 2007

Starting The Hidden Hero Charity Drive!

As you probably know, there are many who serve whose heroism is kept hidden from us. Special Forces troops, for example, often have their deaths reported as "accidental," because the real circumstances of their deaths are codeword-clearance secrets.

But there is another group of covert warriors who seldom get mentioned. I speak, of course, of the brave super-secret operatives of the left-leaning blogosphere -- the "Very Special Forces," as they're known -- who, per their dictates that anyone advocating a war, say, with Pakistan, must himself serve in that war else be branded a "chickenhawk," have to a man (and woman!) selflessly enlisted to "finish the fight against Osama bin Ladin."

However, the fact that they must maintain the pose of being mere bloggers and political operatives -- in order to protect their families from terrorist reprisals -- means they must hide their heroism from the world.

Although I am well aware that I am breaching very closely-held national security secrets, I cannot abide allowing these Hidden Heroes, if you will, to go unrecognized any longer.


Slublog somehow managed to get this picture of General Glenn "Blog & Guts" Greenwald in full military regalia. I'm told that another blogger, who may or may not want his name revealed, will be forwarding another picture of "Old Blog & Guts" later.

These men -- General Glenn "Blog & Guts" Greenwald, Commander "Mad" Max Blumenthal, the agents going by the codenames "Digby," "Tbogg," "T-Rex," etc., are putting their asses on the line every day to defend this nation against the Al Qaeda threat, and manage to post interminably long screeds and unflattering pictures of Michelle Malkin day in, day out. I think they need some recognition, as well as some of the comforts of home that they're lacking as they shiver in cold caves in the frotier region of Pakistan.

Will you help? Please donate what you can, anything that can bring the taste and spirit of America to these selfless warriors serving so far away from home.

As noted below, I've been in touch with Ol' Blog & Guts, and he tells me the following are among the items most coveted by the Very Special Forces.

Urgently needed:

* DragonSkin Body Armor

* Axe Body Spray

* Pre-paid phone calls so they can stay in touch with their loved ones

* Pre-paid Madonna tickets so they can stay in touch with the spirit of dance

* Any hard-to-find regional spices and sauces -- the food in Afghanistan is awful!

* Any hard-to-find powdered cocktail mixes -- the Appletinis in Afghanistan are awful, too!

* Pretty much anything mentioned by Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove

* Except for nylons

* Subscriptions to the sort of ultra-patriotic, pro-military magazines that would make a rugged sodlier's heart swell with pride

* Such as Details, GQ, and Secret Sausage

* Tough, durable boots for those long treks up bone-littered mountain trails

* Spats

* George Bush's personal phone number (to call him to tell him liberal bloggers can't win this war alone without serious reinforcements)

* Ashton Kutcher's personal phone number (no reason given)

* Clips of patriotically themed movies, to remind them "Why They Fight"

* Especially the volleyball scene from Top Gun

and finally:

* A tough but lovable mutt they can adopt as their unit mascot

* Preferably John Stamos

I know all of you out there want to help those who are putting their asses on the line the way you can't -- won't you help these Hidden Heroes?

Let Gen. Glenn (GGreenwald@salon.com) know his selfless service is not unappreciated.

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posted by Ace at 08:31 PM

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