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July 09, 2007

J.K. Rowling Won't Rule Out Making Even More Money Off The Harry Potter Series

Just when you thought there was light at the end of the tunnel:

A CAMPAIGN launched today to extend the globally popular Harry Potter series received a boost after author JK Rowling declared "never say never" about writing another book about the boy wizard.

Rowling has maintained Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which will be published July 21, is the last in a seven-book series, but suggested through her publisher Bloomsbury she might reconsider.

"Never say never," said the statement in response to a Save Harry online petition that aims to collect one million names.

Rowling had disclosed two characters will die, fuelling speculation that one of them will be Harry himself.


1. Hermione sues Harry for sexual harassment after she catches him sniffing the seat of her broomstick.

2. Voldemort's sinister reputation is somewhat lessened when it is revealed that his only magical power is the ability to conjure up delicious apple fritters.

3. Continuing the practice of making each installment thematically darker than the last, Deathly Hallows contains a scene in which Harry methodically feeds his cousin Dudley into a woodchipper.

4. Dumbledore returns from the dead; his former students' initial enthusiasm eventually fades, however, when they realize that his ghost spends all its time in the toilets of the Gryffindor House girls' bathroom.

5. Hogwart's adopts "Welcome to Flavor Country" as its official motto.

6. The reputation of the Order of the Phoenix is tarnished when Harry orders girlfriend Ginny Weasley to don a suicide bomber vest and self-detonate at a crowded Quidditch match.

7. In a grim commentary on the cost of modern sexual freedoms, the entire cast of characters dies of AIDS.

Got your own suggestions on how to improve these crappy books? Add 'em in the comments if the spirit moves you.

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posted by AndrewR at 07:08 PM

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