New Islamic Fatwa: Adult Men Can Breast-Feed From Female Stranger, Which Then Permits Them To Work Together Without The Suspicion of Sexual Shenanigans

Sorry for the confusing headline. It's a lot to swallow in one gulp.

In Islamic tradition, breast-feeding establishes a degree of maternal relation, even if a woman nurses a child who is not biologically hers. It means the child could not marry the nursing woman’s biological children.

Attiya - the head of Al-Azhar’s Department of Hadith, or teachings of the Prophet Muhammad - insisted the same would apply with adults. He argued that if a man nursed from a co-worker, it would establish a family bond between them and allow the two to work side-by-side without raising suspicion of an illicit sexual relation.

Sucking the breast of a lactating female stranger, you see, eliminates any possibility of un-Islamic sexual excitement.

In related news, I'm told there are approximately 6,000 porn-sites which tend to undermine this thesis.

In other related news, I just converted to Islam.

You Zionist Jew-pigs will all die by the sword and the streets will flow red and, you know, whatever. Dog-monkey infidel devil-snakes.

So, uhhhh.... any recent mothers want to build a completely nonsexual working relationship with me?

After that, we can segue over to oral sex as a corporate team-building exercise. We can do "trust falls" into each other's genitals.

In fairness... The "scholar" issuing this fatwa has been disciplined by higher-ranking lunatics.

But, um, which way does that cut? Frankly this was the first friggin' idea coming out of Islam that made any sort of sense to me.

Thanks to Vilmar.

posted by Ace at 03:57 PM

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