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March 30, 2007

Masturbating Trespasser Booted From Fraternity

The trespasser was a woman. And she broke in and masturbated in front of fraternity brothers for half an hour.

BumperStickerist notes,

I'm surprised a Lacrosse game didn't break out.

Damnit, I was trying to think of a joke along those lines. Nice.

Anyway:

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

That's about how long I'd give her, I guess.

...

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

But in a better world than this...

...

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said

Two couches? Nice. I'm going to start rating women according to the number of couches I'll have to discard after thinking of them.

Salma Hayek? There's a four-coucher right there. Used to be a five-coucher, but time catches up with all of us.

How ugly do you have to be to show up wearing only a short jacket, begin masturbating all over a frat house, and yet still get asked to leave?

Supposedly this is a picture of the woman (Light Content Warning: Contains text-ads for porn-sites at the top) not sure if it is, but it matches the description in the article.

I'm not sure that's ugly enough to warrant this disturbing lack of gallantry. And these guys demanded she leave? What's become of our youth?

No, seriously, the woman was obviously disturbed, and I think these guys did the right thing.

After a half hour of watching her, of course. But that's still pretty heroic.

Thanks to Ken.


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posted by Ace at 02:48 PM

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