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March 05, 2007

The Onion: Long-Withheld Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Released In Order To Save Rock 'n Roll

Not so much funny as true.

The Guardians said recent developments in the music world, such as the unaccountable popularity of the Dixie Chicks and Sufjan Stevens, have created a "perfect storm of lameness" from which rock might never recover. While Iommi refused to say when the vault would be opened, hard rock sources believe it will take place just prior to next month's Fall Out Boy–Honda Civic tour, which many fear will suck the remaining lifeblood from all that still rocks. Unlocking The Code
"Citizens of Rock, we refuse to stand idly by any longer," ZZ Top founder and Protectorate High Elder Billy Gibbons said. "When a puss like James Blunt is allowed to rule the airwaves, we must respond by exposing this monster riff, and blowing minds into the stratosphere."

Seriously, what the hell happened? The early to mid nineties were an amazing Renaissance of rock and then... the boy bands came, and the puss folkies, and etc. What I wouldn't give to hear on the radio again even bands that were kinda lame -- like, I don't know, Live and Pearl Jam.

Thanks to HotAir.

posted by Ace at 04:42 PM

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While Iommi refused to say when the vault would be opened, hard rock sources believe it will take place just prior to next month's Fall Out Boy–Honda Civic tour, which many fear will suck the remaining lifeblood from all that still rocks. Unlocking The Code "Citizens of Rock, we refuse to stand idly by any longer," ZZ Top founder and Protectorate High Elder Billy Gibbons said. "When a puss like James Blunt is allowed to rule the airwaves, we must respond by exposing this monster riff, and blowing minds into the stratosphere." Seriously, what the hell happened? The early to mid nineties were an amazing Renaissance of rock and then... the boy bands came, and the puss folkies, and etc. What I wouldn't give to hear on the radio again even bands that were kinda lame -- like, I don't know, Live and Pearl Jam. Thanks to HotAir. posted by Ace at 04:42 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments BurtTC: "145 - Some twink, I’m sure. ..." Deplorable Jay Guevara[/i][/s][/b]: "Anybody knows [s]what[/s] [b]who[/b] Presdent Obam ..." Braenyard - some best friends are more important than others : "Need to remind the Gettysburg we're not fighting e ..." Deplorable Jay Guevara[/i][/s][/b]: "Cali 2024 vid would be funny but it IS!!1 Ding Di ..." Suburbanbanshee: "The NYT is all in favor of alternative lifestyles, ..." 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