Screw It...Jack M. is running for President.

Jack M. just can't get fired up about any of the folks currently running for the Presidency. (heh, I, I mean "Jack M.", always wondered how that Bob Dole thing would sound if I, ummm, Jack M., did it.)

So you know what? I say, to Hell with all of them on both sides of the aisle. I'm running for President instead.

Why not? If certain losers like Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul can do it, I can just as easily be a certain loser too.

And since you deserve to know my platform, I'll lay it out for you in terms even morons can understand:

Amnesty/Illegal Immigration: Against it.
Building a border wall: For it.
Abortion: Against it.
Gun Control: Against It.
Gay Marriage: Against It.
"Torture": For it.
War on Terror: For It.
Strict Constructionists: For them.
Missile Defense: For It.
Tax Cuts: For Them.
Spending Cuts: For them.
McCain/Feingold: Against It.
Kyoto: Against it.
Chinese Communism: Against It.
Cuban Communism: Against It.
Venezuelan Chavezism: Against It.
Iranian Nukes: Against them.
North Korean Nukes: Against Them.
Islamic Jihadism: Against It.
The Bush Doctrine: For it.
Old Europe: Ignore them.
New Europe: For them.
Nuclear Power: For it.
Putting Reagan on Mount Rushmore: For it.

OK..I just threw that last one in there to really wig some liberals out.

But you never know..if my victory is big enough, I just might consider that a mandate for the Reagan/Rushmore thing.

And no jokes on the word "mandate". I'm against that.

posted by Jack M. at 10:03 PM

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