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December 11, 2006

Iggy Pop's Contract Rider

Long, but worth reading in bits and pieces.

I'm not sure how a rider like this would stand up in a court of law:

MONITOR REQUIREMENTS.

We need: one (1) monitor man who speaks good English and is not afraid of death.
(Only joking... or am I?).
Also, he needs to know a little bit about monitors. This may seem a little obvious but believe me...
(For example, in Santiago de Compostela, in Galicia in Northern Spain, they appear to think -- if they just ignore riders like this, then supply a fat, bearded hippy with a digital monitor desk (doh!) who doesn't know shit about eq-ing [ramble omitted] that this the same as actually providing what a band needs in order to do a gig to the best of their ability. And tat if they deny their gear is no good, it will suddenly, mysteriously, become good.

I'd just like to say the next time the Stooges get booked for their festival, I'm going to turn up with some pickled eggs, a small blue vibrator with a jelly dolphin balanced on the shaft, a set of dog-eared encyclopedias with the volume E-G missing and a screwdriver that's accidentally been dropped in the toilet.

And then, when they say [referring to this odd assortment of things, which Iggy will present as the band] "That's not the Stooges"
I'm going to say, "Yes it is!"
And then they'll say "No it isn't."
And I'm going ot say, "Yes it is!!!"
See how they like it, the fuckers.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes...
We do not have our own monitor man, because in the future robots will work for us and make the world a better place.

Sorry about that rant about Santiago, by the way. I just wanted to get it off my chest, and killing people is sooo 80's, don't you think?

The next page contains the information you require.

Bear with me. Not a real bear, of course.

By the way, our guitar roadie, Chris, assures me that the panda is not of the genus "Bear" but is actually part of the "Pig" family. Could this possibly be true? And if not, why would he risk telling me, so that I can tell the whole world his half-baked theory? Unbelievable.

He also explains how he'd like his room to look: "less like a typical rock & roll dressing room... just let someone loose with a little bit of artistic flair...Er, do you know any homosexuals?"

I guess it's not all that funny, except this really is supposed to be a legally-binding instrument. Can one be found in breach of not knowing any homosexuals?


Thanks to Slublog.

For some reason... He adds an addendum ("whatever that means") to the rider where he pitches a reality tv show called "Dead Dog Island," which seems to be about forcing people to kill, cook and eat their favoirte breed of dog while on an island.


digg this
posted by Ace at 04:37 PM

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