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September 24, 2006

Which God to Worship? [Retired Geezer]

He may be a Canadian but The Mayor of Mitchieville knows the Spiritual needs of the average AoS reader:

Like most activists, I have come to realize the importance of having a spiritual role model in my life to take the place of any Christian influence that may contaminate me with that Jesus smell that so offends the homeless, the oppressed, paroled criminals, senior bureaucrats and other righteous malcontents. Having a religious system to appeal to as an authority in scientific matters, some same sex savouring diety, or perhaps a Global Warming sensitive demi-god, is just what our Village Peoples demand. As I lack any sort of spiritual fiber, I turn to the Telemarketer's Code of Ethics as a starting point in my quest for convenient truth and comfortable obligation.

What is in it for me? Most pre-Christian relgions offer some sort of eternal life after death in lieu of a pension supplement or drug benefit package in the present life. Ask around about the condition of your soul in this afterlife, as some religions seem to populate their post-present places with unpleasant conditions such as fire, sandstorms, boiling mud, or brain eating zombies. I have found the god Thor, the Viking god of conflict resolution, to have the best post-present offering: an eternity of multi-gendered fornication intermixed with feasting on a heart stopping all you can eat display of greasy fried foods...

At last, a god that fits the AoSHQ Lifestyle.


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posted by Ace at 10:52 PM

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