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August 10, 2006

Flashback: The Body Cavity Problem

shawn keeps asking about the possibility of simply smuggling these bottles of liquid explosives in body cavities.

Hitting the wayback machine, to the first week of this blog, I noted a report from the (sensationalistic, trashy) tabloid the UK Mirror about Al Qaeda plans to smuggle plastic explosives in the, uhh, naughty parts of female terrorists.

Long story short, intelligence sources say that Al Qaeda has female suicide plane-bombers who intend to smuggle ten ounces of plastic explosives in their vaginas. They'd then take the explosives out in the privacy of the bathroom and detonate the plane. They'd like especially to blow up a plane over a major Western city-- Washington, DC is named in particular.

So, perhaps back to Plan A. The only reason this isn't done more, I suspect, is that terrorism is very definitely more of a male thing, and male terrorists are too homophobic to stick anything up their bungs. Kind of takes the sheen off of "Jihadist Holy Warrior Glory" when part of the battle is wrestling a high-explosive anal intruder up your squeakhole.

Something occurred to me a while ago. I realize many will take this as an enormously invasive tactic -- even those on the right.

But given the shenanigans that can go on in a bathroom, is it time to put video cameras in there, or optic-cable peepholes?

Before you say -- NO WAY! -- hang on. I have another suggestion. All airplane bathrooms will have a fold-down desktop style thing to cover your privates as you actually sit upon the john. (Men will have to become sitters when they pee, too, or sitztinkers, or whatever the Germans call it, or else just stand up like a man and let their freak-flag fly for the crew to see.)

Now-- invasive, yes. But with the partition over your lap, no one can actually see your dirty parts. What the crew would be looking for is strange and unexpected fiddling with the dirty bits that doesn't look like wiping.

I'm just throwing this out there. I do think this is a real problem. Anti-terrorism is like wack-a-mole-- hit one mole, and another one pops up.

PS... For any who care, that link should take you to the first page ever of this blog, from the first post, called, ingeniously enough, "First Post," to the second post, which is a now-dated, but still chuckleworthy, parody of "The Raven," called "The Donkey."

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posted by Ace at 03:47 PM

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