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July 12, 2006

Putin Finally Addresses All-Important "Cthulhu Issue"

No, I'm not kidding. A lot of people asked him about this critical issue via email.

Asked about the possible awakening of the giant mythical octopus Cthulhu, the fourth-most popular question among the more than 150,000 sent to Putin, he said that he believed something more serious was behind the question. Cthulhu was invented by novelist H.P. Lovecraft and was said to be sleeping beneath the Pacific Ocean.

Putin said he viewed mysterious forces with suspicion and advised those who took them seriously to read the Bible, Koran or other religious books.

He also offered an opinion on the giant X-Men robots, the Sentinels. Or maybe the Transformers. The particular thrust of the question was unclear.

“Yes, we will use the latest technical devices. Already now they are being stationed, for example, in the southern parts of our country,” Putin said when reporters asked him after the conference whether Russia planned to use “gigantic, humanoid war robots” to defend itself.

Asked to elaborate about what he meant, Putin said: “These are unmanned aerial vehicles. And maybe the time will come for gigantic robots. However, so far we have put our main hope on people — namely border guards,” Putin said, Kommersant reported.

Cthulhu. Gigantic, humanoid war robots.

Princeton can use a man like Putin.

-- What?

He said, "Princeton can use a man like Putin."

I think we all could.

I think Bush needs to reexamine the accuracy of his trans-ocular soul-evaluating capabilities.

Thanks to Brett.

It's The Unasked Questions That Are Always The Most Interesting: Who'd win in a fight-- Cthulhu or Optimus Prime?

If one assumes, fairly I think, that most magical powers only function on a being possessing a soul, and that therefore the robotic Optimus Prime would be immune to most of Cthulhu's metaphysical powers, I think this one would be closer than many might assume.

Assuming the battle doesn't occur in the ocean, over which Cthulhu has dominion. But I think that's only obvious.


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posted by Ace at 03:20 PM

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