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July 11, 2006

Splitting Atoms... With His Ass

Thrilled at his graduation from MIT in only three semesters and his immediate hiring by the CERNE particle-accelerating lab in Geneva, a Grand Wizard of Mensa decides to test his theory that a bottle rocket can (and should!) be fired from a man's squeakhole.

The guy pulls down his pants, lifts his legs over his head to let his dirty nethers flap in the breeze, penetrates himself with a foreign object while other men watch and giggle, gets his ass half burned off by a rocket that blasts but doesn't want to blast off, and then, after all of this...

...jumps to his feet and throws his hands up in triumph.

Why? Because it's science. There are no failures in science; there are simply data-points for the next experiment.

Thank you, sir. If not for your bravery, dilligence, and sense of wonder about our cosmos, the next feller to try shooting a bottle rocket out of his ass wouldn't know that, whatever you do, don't clench up; it keeps the rocket right on your ass, sizzling your mansac.

A nonflammable lubricant might be helpful, too. And perhaps some sort of asbestos "ball-shield," as well.

Thanks to dawnsblood.

Dinner With Chris Walken: The quality of the sound makes it difficult to tell if this is a great Chris Walken impression, but it sounds pretty good.

Here's the warning; Do not download anything from this site, because they like to play tricks on people. I don't know if it's real or not, but a woman's son downloaded a pic from the site, and, when she called to get help in getting it removed from her computer, they guided her through the process of completely wiping out her machine, while pretending to be helpful.

So: Don't download anything. And definitely don't contact them for "tech help."

But this impression is kinda funny, and no download is needed.

If you remember the Joe Schmoe show, the guy doing the impression is Lance Krall, who played "Kip," the gay Cuban basket-case patterned after Pedro from Real World San Francisco.

Thanks to Andrew.

One More: The First Cat To Call His Opponent "Kitler" Loses The Debate: A website dedicated to "Kitlers," or cats that look like Hitler.

One would have a much larger website if one attempted to document the millions of cats who think like Hitler.

Maus had it right, baby. Trust me-- if they could manage it, we'd be gone.

Thanks to Jason.

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posted by Ace at 01:00 AM

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