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May 25, 2006
The Stupidest Lefty Screed You'll Read This WeekBut you don't have to read it. Because next week someone else will write the exact same cant-rant. These things are tedious in their monotony and derivativeness. I saw a cool word on Jeff Goldstein's site the other day. Had no idea what it meant, so I looked it up. phatic Perfect. So much of what these people write is purely phatic. It is not novel in its analysis or perspective or presentation of facts; nor is it really intended to be. It communicates approximately the same amount of genuine information as a "Hey, how's it goin'? Lovely weather we've been having, eh?" What if they gave a war...? Sacred Feminine All Mighty, that is musty. The old "What if they gave a war and no one showed up?" nonsense. That's as ancient as the mouldering pages of the Necronomicon. But, alas, it has none of the talismanic power of an eldritch incantation. 1968. It was the height of the Vietnam War, the year of My Lai and the Tet offensive. Student riots in Paris nearly brought down the French government. Soviet tanks put a premature end to Czechoslovakia's Prague Spring. Does anyone really need an explanation of 1968 at this point? Of course not; it's purely phatic. He's not delivering information; he's merely demonstrating his membership in a certain political tribe by saying the proper pass-code. In the United States, the streets were teeming with antiwar protesters and civil rights demonstrators. Martin Luther King Jr. and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated within two months of each other. The Democratic convention in Chicago dissolved into chaos. And by the summer, America's cities were in flames. Really? I'd never heard. The world was seething, and for good reason. There was a lot to be angry about. It was a lousy year, 1968. Just a little, mind you. Thank the Sacred Feminine he's managed to contain that self-righteousness and pomposity at his late age. But nearly 40 years down the road I don't regret having done it. I'm sure Major League Baseball doesn't regret it, either. My political consciousness was awakened and I was actively engaged in the world around me. Has there been a single word yet which was not entirely predictable? The Sacred Feminine preserve us, there has not yet been a single word written that any of us couldn't have written as a parody, while on auto-pilot. But as bad as things were then, they seem infinitely worse now. But of course they are, darling. It's always worse. Nixon was the worst, ever. Then Reagan was the worst, ever. A couple of times when Clinton made half-hearted nods to social conservativism, preemptive military action, or fiscal sanity, he was the worst, ever. And now, of course, George Bush is the super-duper-we-really-mean-it-this-time worst ever. Cubed. So why aren't the streets clogged with angry Americans demanding to know why their president lied and deceived them so he could attack a country that had absolutely nothing to do with his so-called war on terror? Take a guess. Seriously, guess the answer to his rhetorical question. See how close you come. ... Points: Award yourself 1 point if you guessed the answer would involve the other opiate of the masses, television. Give yourself 3 points if you guessed he would specifically mention American Idol, and two more points if you said he'd say Fox News. (Only two points for Fox News -- it's a little too obvious, non?) Give yourself 2 points for naming each of the following: iPods, the Internet, porn, emails, text message. Give yourself a big ten point bonus if you connected any of these to "scheming to close that big deal." Three points for any guesses of the names Donald Trump or Paris Hilton or Britney spears; 10 points if you deduced Hollywood, except for George Clooney, was to blame. Four big points for guessing "bread and circuses." And finally, one additional point for guessing that he'd end by noting we need a revolution now (because, hey, the previous one in 1968 was so much fun). Only one point because, let's face it, we knew where that train was headed the moment it left the station. Why would anyone feel compelled to write such obvious, tired musty cant? Why would anyone -- even an on-line "magazine" -- feel there was any value in publishing it? | Recent Comments
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