Condi Rice Gets Standing Ovation At Boston College | Main | "Paradise Now" Director To Take On 9/11 "Paranoia"
May 22, 2006

PETA Takes On Barbaric Middle East Practice

Finally, a left-leaning organization that's brave enough to take a stand against importing sheep from Australia.

Robert Langon was surprised that few people knew that the continent of Australia was located to the south of the China in a body of water those "in the know" referred to as the "Southern Pacific."

Australia was the glittering, high-tech headquarters of Opus Dei, the fanatically conservative Catholic group which had the crazy idea that God should be worshipped in manners other than blowing a load into a stranger in a white mask.

The continent of Australia had been designed by the engineers of Magarathea, and was impressive in its size. Sixty three million Washington Monuments would fit conformtably inside the spacious offices, which included the Sydney Complex, the Melbourne Complex, the Canberra Complex, and the multi-million-dollar Outback Gymnasium/Solarium. The continent/office building called Australia also featured a state-of-the-art wave-generation system perfect for surfing -- and thus, attracting new recruits to the faith through some truly tasty waves.

From his perch at the secret top floor of the Sydney Opera House, Biship Agrinossa tented his fingers in a way that slient-movie villains were given to doing. It's all coming together now, he thought, gripping his suitcase full of bearer bonds issued by the Vatican bank. I just need to get that Crocodile Hunter Guy to convert to Opus Dei Catholicism, and then, somehow, I will end up ruling the world.

He frowned with the sort of scowl that indicated annoyance. Perhaps he's not available, he thought. But maybe Paul Hogan might be. Or even--

He grinned to himself as his paused in his thoughts, which never really happens, but just go with it. Yessss, he thought to himself, actually thinking out that drawn-out sibilant like Gollum. If not the Crocodile Hunter or Paul Hogan, than Yahoo Serious will be the perfect dupe to lead Opus Dei into worldwide domination, he grinned. I know he was already grinning, but now he was grinning even more, like, you know, crazy-grinning.

Meanwile, in Shanghai, Silas the Albino Monk-Assassin rolled up a character in a fantasy roll-playing game, hoping to escape the pain and alienation of being an albino monk-assassin.

He rolled his ability scores and his background, and through pure chance, created a character who was, alas, also an Albino Monk-Assassin. Mother F---ker, he cursed to himself, not so much grinning as grimacing.

God is the ultimate Dungeon Master, he realized sadly, whose cunningly-crafted "adventure modules" we simply cannot escape. Then he went back to beating his testicles with a frozen scrod.

digg this
posted by Ace at 04:41 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: SMH - Future proprietress of Bartertown ..."

votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books!: "it's interesting because I'm so old that I remembe ..."

Village Idiot's Apprentice [/i]: "I wonder if any of those female students who wrote ..."

Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing: "[I]Lately I just want to wrap myself in an anti-ne ..."

Vic We Have No Party: "Ramirez And that's ..."

Vic We Have No Party: "Update on Florence; death toll up to 31 now.  ..."

Kreplach: "This Monday hearing simply rewards the Democrats f ..."

Miklos von Soros: "*frantically checks the London bookies for the odd ..."

RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories: "Never forget: If Hillary would have won, anonymou ..."

Vic We Have No Party: "This has been simmering around for a while, Brit d ..."

Vic We Have No Party: "RINO Rubio is calling for Sessions to go after Ker ..."

Captain Hate: "I need JackStraw to tell me why Jeff Sessions does ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64