Ace's Atkins Lifesaver

Most of you who cook are going to giggle at the obviousness of this recipe, so I guess this is really intended for single guys who don't cook. And are retarded. If you're in that category, though, you might end up eating this son of a bitch three times a week... and loving it.

Updated to answer questions like, "How much seasoning do I actually add?," "Why can't I just use Ortega taco mix?," and "What the hell is cumin?"

Pardon the sketchy measurements in this recipe. Everything's kind of eyeballed, ya know?

TACO BURGER

So f'n' fast and good it's criminal.

Okay. First, prepare a big thing of seasonings, for future taco burgers. You will be having them, trust me, so they won't go to waste.

CUMIN -- this is imperative. Cumin gives tacos their distinctive flavor. Put about 4 units of cumin in a tupperware thingee.

Units = well, it depends on how much you're making. For two or three burgers, I guess units are tablespoons. For a good amount of mix, units equal two or three tablespoons.

CHILI POWDER -- About 4 units of this. Maybe 5.

POWDERED RED CAYENNE PEPPER -- depends on how spicey you want it. Maybe 2-3 units. Your call.

SPLENDA SUGAR -- actually, you don't need this, but most taco powders are sweet. Maybe 1-2 units of Splenda, or skip it.

GARLIC POWDER -- About 2-3 units of this.

ONION POWDER -- 2-3 units, depending on taste.

OREGANO POWDER -- About 1-2 units of this. Maybe just one. You just need the taste.

PAPRIKA -- Optional. Some taco recipes have this in it, some don't. Maybe 1-2 units, depending on how much red pepper you're putting in.

Okay, now just mix all that up. If you've put in too much of one of the minor ingredients, just add in more cumin and chili powder as a "base" to dilute that down, and then add the others in to balance everything.

You'll want to dip your finger into it occasionally to see if it tastes taco-y to you.

Now, get a big f'n' whopper of chop meat. Begin mashing the powder into the meat in generous proportions. You have to mash a lot, to distribute the seasonings. And some parts of the burger won't stick to each other for a while as they're all coated with seasoning. Just keep mashing for about two minutes.

Slap it on a Foreman Griller or something. Cook for whatever.

Throw on sharp cheddar cheese at the very end; let it melt.

Serve with salsa (some salsas are pretty low in carbs) and a lot of sour cream.

Enjoy.

Telling you-- five or ten minutes. Virtually no carbs whatsoever, except for some in the salsa and a small amount in the sour cream. This quickee recipee has made Atkins bearable to me again.

If you want, you can toss on lettuce or chopped onions, but I'm going for speed and ease here.

How Much To Add To The Meat? Forgot to mention this. For a big burger, mashed thin but about 5-6 in diameter, I guess you add 2-3 tablespoons of the seasoning, depending on if how strong or subtle you want the taco flavor.

An eyebally way to say this is cover -- don't dust; COVER -- the flattened burger in the seasoning, then start mashing it all up again.

Hey, Why Can't I Just Use Store-Bought Taco Seasoning? Check the carbs, dude. Taco powder almost always has a good amount of sugar in it, plus corn flour for some reason. It's not a huge amount of carbs, but they're completely unnecessary. It's pretty easy to make your own, and you can use those saved carbs to have a beer with dinner.

Finding Cumin: Can be a real bitch. Check the Spanish section of a supermarket for the spice. It'll be in the Goya spices section, probably, called "Comino (Cumin)."

posted by Ace at 05:08 PM

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