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January 09, 2006

Five Weird Things About Me

Clarified says she's "tagged" me with the new, well, they always call it a "meme," but it's not really. It's a game or something.

I'm supposed to tell you five weird things about me. Okay, here they are:

1. I find the term "bathroom" to be low-class and tasteless. I never use the word. I always refer to it as the "lavatorial facilities" or "a small room where you can make a stinky."

2. I've spent the last six months of my life working on my children's book, Johnny Fucknuts. I've had complaints about the title, and I'm considering changing it to Teddy Fucknuts.

3. I feel truly alive only on the dance floor.

4. I am offended by the terms "blind man" and "sightless person," which define people according what they don't have rather than what they do. I always make it a point to use the more sensitive and positive term "People With Retarded Eyeballs."

5. In grade school the other kids used to tease me mercilessly and call me "Spats," because my Mom and Dad insisted I wear a "sharp-lookin'" pair of spats to school each day. Just the other day I was having a beer with a kid I knew in fourth grade, laughing about the old times, those ridiculous shoes I used to wear, and how I brutally murdered my parents with a shotgun in 1988.

BONUS Weird Thing Number 6:

6. I hate these things, and only do them when I write them in thirty seconds by re-using jokes I've done about 7,856 times before.

I'm supposed to pass this on, but another weird thing about me is that I don't placate. So, nah.

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posted by Ace at 07:46 PM

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