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November 16, 2005

“Crazy Asian Regime? Why, we invented Crazy Asian Regime!”

Burma just upped the ante in the Crazy Asian Regime title race. Their ploy? Suddenly move the capital for no reason whatsoever:

At precisely 6:37 a.m. last Sunday, according to one account - with a shout of "Let's go!" - a convoy of trucks began a huge, expensive and baffling transfer of the government of Myanmar from the capital to a secret mountain compound 200 miles to the north.

[A]ccording to reports from the capital, [Rangoon], officials and civil servants were given only a day or two to pack and say goodbye to their families.

When they arrived at the new site, called Pyinmanaa, it was still under construction, and there were shortages of water, telephone lines and even sleeping quarters and food, according to family members quoted by news agencies and exile groups that monitor Myanmar.

Foreign diplomats said they were told that if they had urgent business with the relocated government, they could send a fax but that no number was yet available.

That ‘get in touch with us by fax,’ but no fax number? That’s just good crazy.

Ok, maybe there’s a reason behind this. Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion, but that ain’t the favored explanation. No, the leading candidate is advice from fortune tellers.

Joseph Silverstein [Burma expert at Rutgers] believes the most likely explanation for the relocation is advice by traditional Burmese fortune-tellers.

"Everybody listens to fortune-tellers in Burma," he said.

General Ne Win, who came to power in 1962, was totally dependent on their advice, Mr Silverstein added.

"He is once said to have decided to change the direction of traffic overnight [as a result of a fortune teller]. It caused a huge number of accidents," he said.

All in all, a diabolical move. North Korea isn’t expected to take this challenge lying down, however. Kim Jong Il has already announced N. Korean scientists are working round the clock on ways to “Up the crazy. Bigtime!” Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna.

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posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 04:10 PM

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