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September 21, 2005

Those Inscrutable Chinese: Condoms To Be Named For Clinton, Lewinsky

Oh, did I ever mention I stood next to Monica Lewinsky at some bar-basement rock show thing? I was seeing a local act called Palomar and I noticed someone who looked hellafamiliar right behind me.

Not really worth mentioning, except to prove I occassionally go outdoors. There was a bit of awkwardness when I began frantically masturbating on her coat, but she just laughed it off and said, "Oh, I get that all the time."

Anyway:

A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.

Spokesman Liu Wenhua of the Guangzhou Rubber Group said the company was handing out 100,000 free Clinton and Lewinsky condoms as part of a promotion to raise consumer awareness of its new products.

He said that after the promotion ends, the Clinton condoms will go on sale in southern China for 29.8 Yuan ($3.72) for a box of 12, while the Lewinsky model will be priced at 18.8 Yuan ($2.35) for the same quantity.

''The Clinton condom will be the top of our line,'' he said. ''The Lewinsky condom is not quite as good.''

Mostly because it doesn't allow much sensation, given that it's a size 10 blue skirt-suit. Try wrapping that around your dorkbat. You'll be able to go for hours.

This story's dateline is today, so the story itself isn't old. But the Chinese do not appear to be quick off the gun as far as marketing. Can't wait for their Gary Hart/Donna Rice line.

Thanks to JG, or, as I call him, "Jay Gee."

Curiosity: Didn't "rubber" used to be kind of vulgar? Whereas "condom" was acceptable? Well, the NYTimes now calls them "rubbers," it seems, at least when it needs to refer to them twice in one sentence and doesn't want to repeat the word "condom."

I think in the fourth paragraph they call them "jimmy hats" and then "Bozo balloons," but I was only skimming so I'm not really sure.

Note to Oliver Willis: I certainly do not mean to imply that all Chinese are Fu-Manchu moustachioed Masters of Evil when I call them "inscrutable." I just mean that they're crafty, cunning, and have strange magical powers, like elves.


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posted by Ace at 06:43 PM

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