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September 20, 2005

There's a War On-- The War On Porn

I've slagged Instapundit for endlessly repeating "There's a war on" when LEO's are "diverted" to pesky tasks like stopping drug production, importation, and distribution (last time I checked, they were still illegal, and still destroyed a lot of lives), but this is really beyond the pale.

And I'm not just saying that as an interested party. At least I think I'm not.

FBI Agents are not happy to be diverted to the Special Task Force For Silly Shit:

The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, "it's a running joke for us."

A few of the printable samples:

"Things I Don't Want On My Résumé, Volume Four."

"I already gave at home."

"Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves."

Heh.

...

Applicants for the porn squad should therefore have a stomach for the kind of material that tends to be most offensive to local juries.

I think they'll have little trouble finding people with the stomach for this material. That pederast Hannorhan could take care of the whole job himself.

AG Alberto Gonzalez seems to think this is a way to burnish his credentials with social conservatives.

But Gonzales endorses the rationale of predecessor Meese: that adult pornography is a threat to families and children. Christian conservatives, long skeptical of Gonzales, greeted the pornography initiative with what the Family Research Council called "a growing sense of confidence in our new attorney general."

Oh, eat me.

Let's see-- wobbly on Affirmative Action, immigration, abortion, etc.

But hey-- he's vowed, Elliot Ness-style, to be the man to get Max Hardcore!

Here's when you can be on the Supereme Court, Alberto:

The first Monday of October in the year Two Thousand and Never.

It Never Gets Old Update: Sean M. snarks--

When they came for the crackheads, I said nothing, since I never smoked any rock. And, eeeewwwww--they're crackheads!

When they came for the white-collar cokefiends, I said nothing because, well, I never had the kind of money to waste on blow and besides, those guys tend to be assholes anyway, right?

When they came for the stoners, I said nothing because I'd grown up and quit smoking dope and watching cartoons all day.

And then, when they came for me and my ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG C*M SLUTS, there was no one left to speak for me.

What's especially heartbreaking is that millions of immigrants come to America with the dream of becomin all-anal Asian teen gangbang c*m sluts, and now we're just shutting the door in their faces.

Isn't there something about that on the Statue of Liberty or something? If there isn't, there should be.


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posted by Ace at 01:49 PM

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