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Don't Question The Patriotism Of The Press! (I was Punk'd!!!) | Main | Playboy Survey: College Girls Want To Have Sex With Both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
September 14, 2005

Announcement: Dr. Reo Symes joins the Ace of Spades family as co-blogger.

Dr. Symes is a graduate of prestigious Saint Regis University and received his medical degree at various fine institutions abroad. He is the author of several self-published monographs including Zinc Miracles! and its follow up, The Dr. Symes Zinc Revolution! He is also pleased to announce his forthcoming bestseller, The Vapors: Forgotten Killer

At present, the doctor is not practicing in the States, preferring the “patient first” medical atmosphere of the Central American region, but expects to return soon, upon the resolution of a few, relatively minor licensing miscommunications and with a brand new line of proprietary mineral-based tonics and salves.

Dr. Symes is on the board of several clinics and a founder of controversial charitable relief organization ‘Doctors Without Pants.’

Extended entry contains translation of Dr. Symes’ recent press conference

Del Gato Oro Conference Room, Extended Stay Suites Hotel, Belize City, Belize. 9/13/05

[Dr. Symes speaking]

Hello, everyone. Thanks for coming out today. Everyone try the buffet? That sweet cream and ham thing? Great stuff. All on me, so knock yourself out. Just... make sure and use a new plate each trip. I hate to see a man slop food onto a dirty plate. Just poor breeding.

Okay. I have a prepared statement I’d like to read first. [throat clearing noises]

Today, I am very proud to announce I will be joining the Ace of Spades family of bloggers: Tanker, Lauraw, Harry Callahan, the big man himself, Mr. Spades, and now me, Dr. Reo Symes. It’s hard to believe it’s really happening.

I want to start off by saying, I’ve always admired the Spades organization, its achievements, the fine charitable work. Great things have been done.

I don’t think I could distinguish myself from the wonderful efforts that have come before me, and I don’t intend to. As a contributing blogger, I’m gonna play a small role. An occasional post at odd hours. More on the weekends, maybe. As much as my practice will allow. As always, my patients and research must come first.

Now, with that outta the way, I’ll open it up to polite questions… Yes, you.

Q: Dr. Symes…what do you bring to the table? I mean, what’s your thing? You some foaming-at-the-mouth politico? You gonna be ‘Mr. Crazy Link?’ What’s your angle?

A: Um… politics wise, I map pretty close to Mr. Spades, but you’re probably gonna see more ‘Crazy Link’ than political outta me, at least at the beginning. That said, I don’t wanna pin myself down here. I’m new. Things will happen. The internet’s a crazy thing.

Okay… you there.

Q: I think I speak for everyone here when I say the immediate reaction is: ‘What, another one?’ I mean, how many co-bloggers does that make? Eleventy billion? Where’s it end? Am I a co-blogger too? My invite in the mail?

A: Eleventy billion, huh? Funny numbers cracked me up when I was, like, nine.

Look, I don’t know where it ends. The point is, I’m here. Next question.

Q: You’re going to ruin everything. I hate you.

A: First of all, that’s not even a question. Second, I realize people ain’t showing up for me. Nope. People drop by for the patented Ace cocktail served by Mr. Spades himself: 3 parts Val-U-Rite Vodka; 2 parts Megalomania; 1 part Panicky Self-loathing. Shake and Enjoy. Serves 6-7000 daily.

Think of me as the napkin that accompanies that refreshment. No wait, that makes no sense... I dunno, I'm something small that goes along with it. Whatever. Shut up.

Q: Are you going to be able to coexist with that Lauraw?

A: Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m sure we’ll have a fine relationship. She’s a pro. Next.

Q: What about the ‘That’s so old.” tee hee stuff? You know, from Dave at Garfield Ridge? That’s getting to be annoying. I mean, it was okay at the beginning, but now it’s, like, getting really, really old. As a blogger, are you going to be able to maintain your compos-

A: Listen, I have nothing but the highest regard for Dave’s work and look forward to his comments.

Ur.... Alright, I can see where this is headed. Another let's-get-the-Doctor witchhunt. And I paid for that buffet! Well, screw you. Screw you and those AMA goons This thing's over.

digg this
posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 11:23 PM

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