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June 11, 2005

Howard Dean Reaches Bottom, Digs. [Dave at Garfield Ridge]

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Democratic National Committee leaders embraced feisty party boss Howard Dean on Saturday and urged him to keep fighting despite a flap over his blunt comments on Republicans.

After a meeting of the DNC's 40-member executive committee at a downtown hotel, members said Dean was doing exactly what they elected him to do -- build the party in all states and aggressively challenge Republicans.

"I hope Governor Dean will remember that he didn't get elected to be a wimp," said DNC member Gilda Cobb-Hunter, a South Carolina state representative. "We have been waiting a long time for someone to stand up for Democrats."

Wow, Gilda, you've been waiting for, what, all of three minutes?

Yeah, you Democrats never "stand up" for each other.

Bill Clinton, he never stood up for Democrats.

Al Gore? Shirking violet.

Hillary Clinton? Man-calves, but girlish heart.

John Kerry? Cuddly French-loving wuss.

Ted Kennedy? Nothing but beer muscles.

Why, before Howard Dean arrived, the Democrats were positively polite, adhering to Marquis of Queensberry rules at every turn. If only those mean-spirited Republican wolves hadn't been so gosh-darn evil in their hoods and cross-burning and child-eating.

Why, before Howard Dean arrived, Bill "Gummi Worm Penis" Maher and Whoopi "Rock Hard Turtle Penis" Goldberg were actually funny. It was only when Republicans started making the baby Jesus cry that Democrats started "standing up for all Americans" by bashing half of all Americans.

The best thing about Howard Dean, aside from his intoxicating entertainment value and musky, Victor Mature-like scent, is that he's doomed to failure. A spectacularly humiliating, embarrassing public failure. And it will inevitably be suffered at his own hand.

Dean's pathologic need for attention will continue to drive him to ever-more ridiculous statements and wacky gambits. Hell, he might as well just go ahead and set fire to himself now.


You know it's only a matter of time.

I just hope he flames out on Russert, so I can TiVo it.


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posted by Ace at 10:04 PM

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