Star Wars: Not The Director's Cut At All

Please don't tell me this is old. Everything's old on the Internet.

This site?

Old.

Anyway, this is pretty funny. A picture-and-text recap of Star Wars, pretty vulgar, but nothing you don't read here on a daily basis.

Thanks to Monty at Heliopause.

Spoiler Guess...? Brak, not kidding I don't think, wrote

On Star Wars: If anyone has seen it yet, please warn about spoilers if you are going to mention it in the comments

What could be a spoiler? We all know what's going to happen to Anikin and Padme. We know that no harm comes to the Emperor or Obi or the droids, because they're around later.

But I'm thinking... what would actually be a surprise? Lucas likes them, and they seem to have mainly to do with family.

So -- and remember, I haven't seen the film yet -- here's my guess at a surprise, if there is one.

In the first movie, they claimed Anikin had no father, and everyone cringed at the ludicrousness and Christ-echoes.

So what if he reverses himself?

Seems to me that an evil and accomplished Sith could impregnate a woman and then erase her memory of it, right?

Bit of a repeat, I guess, but perhaps Anikin is the Emperor's son. And maybe he wanted to have the child's patriomony kept secret because... well, I guess maybe because Palpatine doesn't want everyone to know that his blood is just pulsing with those stupid midichlorians or whatever. He keeps his force powers secret, right?

And that would, I suppose, would explain how Anikin falls to Evil (Luke was pretty keen on his dad, evil though he was, in ROTJ) and also maybe set up some extra resonance for Vader's killing of Palpatine in ROTJ. Hey-- then he'd've been taking out his own Dad.

Then again -- it would be kind of laughable to try the same trick again, this time lamer to boot.

posted by Ace at 05:19 PM

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