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May 03, 2005

Rosie's Lesbian Awakening...

...and a beefcake bodybuilder lady pic at Temple of Jennifer.

I was all ready to rip on Rosie for her poetry-without-rhyme-or-meter thing.

But I have to admit-- there's something about the device that actually seems to work. It's just prose forced into an artificial format, but it does draw your eye down the page, and the fact that it kinda-sorta looks like a poem gives the rather pedestrian prose a veneer of the poetical.

As for her lesbian awakening-- well, everyone can laugh because it's Rosie, but it was a sort of sweet story. At least as far as I read; I stopped reading before it "got good."

Not sure if a sex story featuring Rosie O'Donnell can "get good," and I didn't really want to find out.

No, I'm Not Selling Out Update: Honest opinion. What can I say? I can't kneejerkedly trash everything a liberal does all the time.

99.999999% of the time, yes. I'm right there jerking the knee. But that one in one million times-- eh, whatever.

And To Prove It... Krakatoa sends this Filthy Critic review of recent movies about retardation, House of D and of course Riding the Bus With My Sister.

Of course, the [Duchovny's wife in House of D] tells him to go back to America and make everything right. I have no fucking idea why. I have this sneaking suspicion that Duchovny doesn't either. Just that every bad coming-of-age flashback movie has this sort of closure. ... [Why] would his estranged wife and son come all the way from France to see that? "Hey, honey, I know things have been awkward between us. But, if you just fly across the ocean to meet my retarded friend, I think everything will be all right. He's magical." What a fucking load of crap.

I like the way this guy thinks.

So many valuable lessons can be learned from retards, especially when they act nothing like real ones. Hell, why the fuck not make it a talking dog as long as it's so obviously fantasy?

Now this is getting scary. On to the Rosie movie:

McDowell must give up her lucrative yuppie lifestyle to make sure her little sister is okay. But, ho ho! Who takes care of whom? Sure, O'Donnell is the one you have to keep from eating a jar of Vaseline, but McDowell learns hard-won lessons about love and life. And who better to teach them than a retard? Or, rather, a potentially retarded celebrity hamfisting her way to a very special Emmy? Oh, man, I hope she goes to claim it in character.

Is this guy cribbing from me, damnit?

I think most people should be disgusted with Hollywood's "Precious Moments" portrayals of the retarded. It fucking pisses me off. Retards are people too, and they are people with serious problems. They are not cuddly pals who always teach us how to be better people.... But, Hollywood keeps trotting them out to prop them up as something they aren't. It think it has little to do with helping us understand mental disabilities, and a shitload to do with Hollywood wanting to feel good about themselves. Maybe they find it easier to act retarded than actually help the retarded. Or maybe they'd rather just approximate what goes on in families with handicapped members then spend time with them. Either way, fuck off, Hollywood. Use a monkey, a dwarf or anything but the helpless retarded.

He finishes by asking the question that we all want answered: Who makes a better "natural retard," Robin Williams or Rosie O'Donnell?

I won't give away his answer, but let's say his answer is unsatisfying in the same way that, say, a Marvel Comics' issue promising to show who would win in a fight, Thor or Hulk, also always turns out to be unsatisfying.

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posted by Ace at 07:06 PM

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