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April 19, 2005

"He Said Very Hurtful Things... Then My Shoes Fell Off"

Chuck Hagel has a couple of things going for him. He's handsome, and handsome in the perfect way for a Senator, and he's a war hero.

On the other hand, he's really trying for that "maverick independent"/prissy diva role McCain has carved out for himself.

John Bolton read the riot act, it is claimed, to some underlings, one of whom lied to his face. This has the liberals very, very, very upset; an executive should never use angry language with an erring underling.

(Let's ignore Bill and Hillary's famously hot-tempered outbursts, as the liberals do, and will just try to change the subject if you bring them up.)

Now Chuck Hegel, who apparently believes the New York Times Editorial Staff is the third primary in 2008 after New Hampshire and Iowa, shows how "thoughtful" he is by wavering once again on an issue.

If Chuck Hagel were Hamlet, Claudius would have died of old age. And some dialogue would have to be modified:

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.
Well, not really "well." I mean, you know,
we were nodding acquaintances. We
were friends, but not friend-friends, if you
know what I mean. I loved him, Horatio,
but not love-loved him, because frankly
I worried about the way he treated the
rest of his clown-staff. I hear rumors --
unconfirmed rumors, to be fair -- that he
once attempted to silly-slap a mime with
big red shoe. And I must be fair to Yorrick,
that is not the sort of behavior I had come
to expect from him, but on the other hand,
these are very serious allegations which I
must cogitate further upon before rendering
a gray and gauzy opinion which will mollify
my conservative voters while also making
Chris Matthews think I'm a "good guy."
Wait a minute, on second thought, I don't
even know if this is Yorrick at all. Didn't
Yorrick have better teeth? Well, anyway.
Doesn't matter anyway. Barely knew the man.
I'm off to the castle now to kill Claudius.
Or sit in the chapel, sobbing like a little girl.
Either/or. I think a wait-and-see attitude
is probably the best idea, as it usually is.
On the other hand, who knows? I sure don't.

"And I'm Very, Very Hurt With That" Update: Joe Biden, who looks really snazzy in his hip white-collared shirts, wants to delay a vote on Bolton to investigate these explosive allegations that a boss yelled at an erring employee.

The next shoe to drop? Sometimes Bolton would say "Good morning" to employees he saw in the elevator at the beginning of the work day, but some of those employees suspected 1) he really wasn't enthusiastic about wishing them a "good morning" and furthermore 2) he didn't seem to actually know who the hell they were.

Fasten your seat-belts. We're in for a white-knuckle rollercoaster ride here, folks. This is going to make the DeLay scandal look as insignificant as the Corwyn scandal.

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posted by Ace at 09:14 AM

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