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April 11, 2005

Immortality Is Just 25 Years Away

Three things fascinated me in high school: the possibility of arresting or even reversing the aging process by modifying the body's DNA, and the enormous breasts of my 10th grade lab-partner Stacey Cosgrove.

Well, I never got a chance to see Stacey's rack, and, alas, I probably never will, but The New Editor tips 1,000+ year life spans may be just a quarter-century away:

Time may indeed be on your side. If you can just last another quarter century.

"By then, people will start lives that could last 1,000 years or more. Our human genomes will be modified to include the genetic material of microorganisms that live in the soil, enabling us to break down the junk proteins that our cells amass over time and which they can't digest on their own.

People will have the option of looking and feeling the way they did at 20 for the rest of their lives, or opt for an older look if they get bored. Of course, everyone will be required to go in for age rejuvenation therapy once every decade or so, but that will be a small price to pay for near-immortality.

The key to these medical breakthroughs? The miracle science known as "nanotechnology."

Okay, let me be honest: that last line about nanotechnology? I just completely made it up. I just threw it in there, hoping that Instapundit would get a geek-boner over it and throw me a freakin' link already.

But, you know: everything's going to be nanotech in the future anyway, so it's not a big lie.

Here is my new plan:

1) Stop smoking for the next 25 years.

2) Become effectively immortal.

3) And then start smoking again, this time like a Viking.

Chuckleheaded Weisenhemer Update: Paul Z, who's a real frickin' wise-ass if you ask me, enthuses:

You mean if I can hold out another 25 years I get to spend a millennium as a 73-year-old? Pinch me.

How about I just come down there and sock you right in the snoot, Smart-Lip?


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posted by Ace at 10:25 PM

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