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March 28, 2005

Churchill's Colleagues May Resolve Indian-Heritage Claim

Churchill's got as much credibility as an "Indian" as Pat Boone had as heavy metal singer:

The future of a University of Colorado professor who likened some Sept. 11, 2001, victims to a notorious Nazi is now in the hands of nine colleagues who may be asked to decide whether he is American Indian, as he claims...

The ethnicity issue, however, is far from concrete. Churchill insisted again last week that he is Indian, saying, "That's my family's understanding of itself."

Proving himself a master of Brit understatement, the writer adds:

...there is serious doubt about his Indian identity.

You know what? This scam is just too sweet; I want in too.

I'm a Native American, too. My Indian name is Heap Big Blog Money. Would you like to buy some of my Native American art?

I call this one The Swindling of My People's Land By Paleface Jackals:

Pretty good, right? I'll give that to you for... hmmm... 200 wampum.

Here's another one I'm proud of. I painted this bad-boy up when I was tripping my face off on mescaline on a sacred vision quest that landed me in Tijuana jail for three weeks on a trumped-up charge of light mayhem.*

I call it Brave Coyote Warrior Howls At the Hunter's Moon:

You see the detail-work on that belt-buckle? That's an old Indian technique.

Finally, my favorite. I call this one Pale Princess Charming White Snake :

To be honest, I didn't paint that, per se. I just got it off of a Yahoo images search for Tawny Kitaen. However, I have made it more "Indian" by pasting some colorful flowers around the borders (not depicted).

Dude, where's my tenure?

* Pop quiz. "Mayhem" actually was, and still is in some codes, an actual defined crime. Anyone know the approximate definition of the crime? Non-lawyers get double-points for this one; but it's sort of obscure, so most lawyers probably won't know it, either.

Thanks to RCL again for the tip.

Update: 72Virgins tips that the Chancellor's report already covered this, and declined to investigate:

The EEOC took the position that observation and self identification are the most reliable indicators of of ethnicity. The Chancellor declined to persue the matter. The question about Professor Churchill' employment must be considered closed as a result of this ten-year old review

-- from Page 7 of the Chancellor's report

However, the Concord Monitor article references that report, and his ethnicity -- and whether he lied about it -- seems to be under investigation by a "faculty committee," despite the older report's conclusions.


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