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March 25, 2005

Frank Lautenberg (D-Hyperparitsan Hackery) Demands Investigation into "Talking Points Memo"

Of course, he thinks the "We're just plain evil" memo is quite real.

Top Ten Exposed "Republican Talking Points"
by Ace of Spades and the unofficial staff of Ace of Spades HQ

10. "We hope to build a 'big-tent' coaltion of cretins, morons, and drooling retards to help pass our reckless Social Security schemes and thereby destroy the nation"

9. "It is absolutely untrue that many high-ranking Bush Administration officials are closeted homosexuals; however, at least three of them are 'really into' strangling hobos in their sleep"

8. "To be honest, we're pretty sure there isn't any oil in ANWR, but there are an awful lot of sacred Indian burial grounds we can desecrate by drilling, and we're all really big fans of Poltegeist"

7. "A return to chattel slavery is a long-term goal. Remeber to be patient; let's work on re-instituting Jim Crow before we 'overstep'" [Ayes of Death]

6. "Paul Wellstone? I'm not saying we offed him; but let's just say that every man chooses his own manner of dying, and maybe sometimes a political operative working for an opposing party uses 'substituted judgment' to make that decision on his behalf" [suggested by Rapid Transit]

5. "We'll be sending a man to Mars. First, though, we have to (giggle) send another (chortle) so-called 'mannned mission' (titter) to the Moon (guffaw)... Men on the Moon! What a riot! Jesus, that Nixon was freaking good" [suggested by JackM, as well as by Nina of Just Shoot Me]

4. "Of course we're all in favor of all Americans voting. And we have a simple rule: we will count every legal vote that's invisibly marked with either a Jesus Fish or the top-secret codewords 'Megadittoes' or 'Adelei Stevenson's a total fag'"

3. "When courageous truthtellers like Ward Churchhill and Michael Moore compare Bush to Hitler, never respond 'You say that like it's a bad thing'" [Big E]

2. "Many of you haven't gotten the memo on changes in language regarding Social Security. Remember, our mantra is Saving Social Security for Future Generations, not the less-persuasive Let them eat Soylent Green" [Nick Kronos]

...and the Number One Exposed "Republican Talking Point"...

1. "When smart, principled, and civic-spirited liberals trap you in yet another indefensible lie, remember you always have an out: just smile in a friendly manner and say 'Jesus doesn't like hypothetical questions... Sinner!'"


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posted by Ace at 11:19 AM

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