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January 02, 2005

Best of Ace, #2: Whoreblogging

Still one of my favorites, and apparently one of the favorites of a lot of readers, too. You just can't go wrong writing downright filthy sex-fantasias about Wonkette, Washingtonienne, and Joshua Micha Marshall.

Carin asked if this would be the Number One Best-Of. I said I was hoping to keep the suspense up, like when a classic rock radio station does a "Top One Hundred Rock Records of All Time" and they try to create some kind of doubt as to whether Stairway to Heaven will be, for the billionth time, chosen as Number One.

Well, since this post is Number Two, not too much doubt about Number One anymore.

As the accoustic guitar jingles softly...

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold.
And she's climbing the
Stairway to Heaven...

There's a man named Falcone
and he will ride your ass hard
All of your fuckers have three days
to straighten out this loose shit...

Related And Also Dirty! Someone wants this on the list. Seems Andrew Sullivan began pimping ludicrous charges about some dirty stinking terrorist being forcibly raped by women, and he, apparently having no idea how male-female sex works, saw nothing at all incredible in the charges. He really was appalled, once again, by this gob-smackingly vile outrage.

As was I, of course. I, too, had been the victim of such a sickening assault:

While I was away at the beatuiful Mount Airy Lodge, was abducted and chain-raped by a gang of buxom Catholic high-school cheerleaders.

And yes, I know I will be harrangued for continuing to write about my violation.

But I won't let that stop me. I will soldier on bravely, and see if I can't interest Cinemax in filming my sordid story, which I've tentatively titled Man-Handled: The Greatest Fucking Thing That Ever Fucking Happened to Me In My Entire Fucking Life.


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posted by Ace at 04:01 PM

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