Why I Just Don't Get "Fashion" | Main | Absolute, Non-Ironic Shock: Jon-Benet Ramsey's Parents No Longer Supsects
December 17, 2004

I Love The Posts I Wrote Three Days Ago!

Here's another thing I don't get:

You know the gagillion shows now running on E! and VH-1 where they show something from pop culture and then some nitwit comments on it?

Few questions:

1) Who the fuck are these people? I swear to God, some of these people are even more nobodies than I am.

First of all, half of them seem to be from some magazine called "Blender" which I never fucking heard of. I don't know what "Blender" is; I imagine it's some sort of gay soft-core stroke-mag showing naked college boys seductively using kitchen appliances.

Are half of them from Blender, or is it the same unfunny chick with the Lisa Loeb "You Say" smartie-glasses over and over and over again?

She's so fucking non-memorable in terms of looks and wit I have no idea if it's the same girl or there's like a whole Terminator production line of useless marginally-attractive unfunny "No, no, negative" bore-clones.

2) Why are none of them funny? And why do the unfunniest ones have the job description "comedian" listed under their stupid fucking faces? Instead of saying they're "comedians," I think a Chyron should just run under their yammering idiot-mouths saying "Don't worry; I don't know who the fuck I am either."

3) Who, precisely, decided to give "Ant" from Last Comic Standing a career, and isn't this a violation of some provision of the Patriot Act? It certainly can't be good for troop morale, and undoubtedly it provides "material comfort" to our terrorist enemies.

4) Why is the lead singer from Skid Row on every fucking one of these shows? Does his agent specialize in sarcastic-wisecrack pop-culture clip-shows? Can't he like, I don't know, once in a while maybe sign autographs at a KISS convention?

Look, apparently Sebastian Fucking Bach has a lot of fucking opinions about Pop Rocks and the replacement "cousins" from The Dukes of Hazzard, but why would he imagine I care to to know them?

Seriously, "Sebastian": When C.C. DeVille from Poison seems to have more shame and integrity than you do, it's time to start thinking about making some course-corrections in your life.

It just angers me.

I think I could get together with my best buddies Stubby and Stinky Pete and do a much better Remember Last Week? show than these buffoons.

Actually, I think what I'd do is a show called Remember Our Last Show?, in which each new show is actually just some clips of us making snide comments from the previous show, but then we comment upon our previous snide comments in a glib, sarcastic way. Near the end of each show we might have a segment called Remember Twenty Minutes Ago?, where we'd comment on the earlier comments in that very show.

It's all very meta and very Charlie Kauffman. I'm hoping to win a Peabody.

digg this
posted by Ace at 06:02 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "0300 here, time to Good Morrow. ..."

EveR: "Huma's expose: many of the Senators there in 2005 ..."

Miklos, reminding self to CUFF THOSE JORTS: "It was the glow-in-the-dark feature that clinched ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "'night Red ..."

Carl Miklos-Spackler: "*looks around* *notices red plastic cups with s ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: " Just bought it Posted by: Miklos, ---------- ..."

BruceWayne: "Apparently there is currently a Picasso in an art ..."

Miklos, like Pedro, South of the Border, sez: "Or else she'll sic Q'aren Abedin on them in the me ..."

redc1c4 *OTUS Zhou Bai-Din Cheated & we all know it [/b] [/i] [/s] [/u]: "gotta pull the pin early... need to get a shit loa ..."

Miklos, not entirely broke yet: "There are a plethora of cup-holder ashtrays. https ..."

Miklos, noting that smokes rae much cheaper in SC than FL: "There are a plethora of cup-holder ashtrays. https ..."

Yudhishthira's Dice: "Huma saying this means the Clintons are out to kne ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64