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December 17, 2004

Hollywood Finally Makes Film About War on Terror; Title Will Be, Shockingly Enough, "No True Glory"

Wooden robotic has-been Harrison Ford has signed on to the project, which will hopefully decimate US troops' morale for years to come.

Top Ten Harrison Ford War Movies, Had He Been Making Movies During World War II

10. A light romantic comedy titled Guess Who's Giving It To Your Wife Back Home?

9. What If They Threw a War To Stop Global Fascism and No One Showed Up?

8. A thoughtful documentary named Japanese Kamikaze Suicide Bombers: Why Do They Hate Us?

7. An untitled project likening FDR to Adolf Hitler, and meanwhile likening Adolf Hitler to beloved child-star Jackie Coogan

6. The Big Lie: Archival Films Prove That No "Planes" or "Bombs" Struck Us At Pearl Harbor

5. Worldwide Nazi Domination: Let's Take a Wait-and-See Attitude About It, Huh?

4. Some stupid film about the fucking Crusades trying to pin thousand-year-old shit on America (always a favorite Hollywood go-to project)

3. Indiana Jones and the Quest for a Negotiated Settlement

2. A lightheared "screwball" comedy called Unstoppable Nazi Supermen Will Inevitably Conquer the World!

...and the Number One Harrison Ford War Film, Had He Been Making Movies During World War II...

1. A science-fiction classic titled Star Wars, which tells the story of how militaristic "Rebels" unilaterally declared pre-emptive war on the peaceful, kite-flying "Galactic Empire" and their "agrarian reformer" leader Emperor Palpatine, who was, after all, considered the "George Washington" of his people and actually quoted from the Declaration of Independence


Caveat: The article claims:

It is probable that the film will strike a different tone to the only major feature about the US's previous war in Iraq, 1999's Three Kings, which told the story of a group of cynical, self-serving US soldiers. West's coverage of the war has tended to side with US troops.

We'll see. "No True Glory" doesn't exactly sound rah-rah to me. And I suspect the leftist British Guardian's judgment as to what consitutes "siding with US troops" diverges quite a bit from my own.

Defending My Attack Update: It occurs to me that this attack may be premature, as at least one poster points out.

I'll say this, though. Hollywood has a template for movies about wars they don't like, and they pretty much don't like any of them. Sure, there's the occasional pro-war film like Heartbreak Ridge, but those tend to be lower-budget, not-terribly-prestigious genre films little removed from action movies in terms of seriousness and respect.

When it comes to "prestige" projects, Hollywood tackles wars the same way, just about every time: It acknowledges the sacrifice and heroism of actual soldiers, while suggesting -- if not outright stating -- that this sacrifice and heroism is all in the cause of a futile or wrongheaded cause. The personal virtues of soldiers are admitted; the cause for which they fight is generally deemed senseless.

Even Saving Private Ryan, about a war few can quibble with (though some do), was said to be, either by director Steven Spielberg or a critic reviewing the film, "at heart an anti-war movie, as all war movies must be."

Certainly it must be acknowledged, in any serious war movie, that war is hell -- hellishly violent, hellishly terrifying, hellishly destructive, and hellishly wasteful of the lives of good young men (and some not so young men, and some women too). And yet it would be satisfying to see more war movies which were not merely the equivalent of Zombie Survival Horror films on a battlefield.

Yes, in the final analysis, soldiers, as they fight, are fighting for survival -- their own, and the survival of the man next to them. Certainly they give little thought to geopolitics as bullets and mortars rain down on them.

But it would be helpful, on occasion, to note that their sacrifices and heroism are not in vain; that they fight for something actually worth fighting for, whether it be for freedom, America's security, or to simply eradicate the psychopathic terrorist scum holed up in Fallujah.

I don't know what tact No True Glory will take. But the title and the general Hollywood template for prestige war movies suggests to me we will see good young men being wasted in a "useless war," sacrificed for nothing except stupidity and hatred and a failure to "communicate effectively" with people about whom we still haven't figured out "Why do they hate us?"

Yes, the soldiers will be praised, even as they are chewed apart in battle; but there will be no tribute to the mission they ultimately give their lives for.

I'd like to be suprised. But at this point I very much doubt I will be.

Geek Patrol Update: Emperor Palpatine, not "Constantine." I knew Constantine wasn't right, but I coudln't think if the right name. All I could think of was "Darth Siddious." Stupid prequels.

Please excuse this horrible gaffe. I swear, I'm a dedicated Star Wars fan and I knew that! I knew that! Just on the tip of the tongue and wouldn't roll off!

I will not be turning in my polyhedral dice anytime soon. As George Bush the Elder said, "You wouldn't want your career judged by a single incident, would you?"


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posted by Ace at 03:39 PM

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