Calling the SwiftVets: John Forbes Kerry's First Diplomatic Test | Main | Update (Possibly a Spoiler) Regarding Iraqi Soccer Team
August 24, 2004

Not-Very-Funny Top Ten Things Overheard In Liberal Circles

10. "I don't care what the so-called (finger quotes) "First Amendment" says. Find me a loophole."

9. "Those goddamn SwiftVets are savaging us like 'Jenjis Khan.'"

8. "Look, I hate to bring this up, but I have to ask: Do we have actual proof that John Kerry was even in Vietnam at all? I just want to know the potential downside on all this."

7. "We'll just spin this into a positive. We'll say John Kerry was smart enough to keep out of Cambodia, and he'll be smart enough to stay out of Iran, too."

6. "I had a very nice creamy steak suisse last night. It's seared --seared-- seared into my memory. Come on, it's funny. Stop being such a Serious Susan all the time."

5. "I say we just continue to run on our strengths, the strengths that nobody can deny. I propose a new advertising campaign-- John Kerry: He's really, really tall."

4. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bob Dole is on fucking fire."

3. "We may be losing the veterans, we may be losing the independents, we may even be losing some of our usual Democratic base, but whatever happens, we've still got Chris Matthews solidly on board."

2. "Well, maybe Kerry did dishonestly oversell his 'heroism' in the Vietnam; maybe a more accurate account would be that he didn't want to serve, failed in his attempt to secure secure another grad-school deferment, enlisted in a unit seeing little action at the time in order to avoid combat, and then performed routinely but not remarkably for four months before doctoring up a dubious troika of Purple Hearts and finagling himself an early ticket home. That said, Kerry still has an awful lot to run on: his strong national security credentials, his clear plan for winning the war on terror, his meticulously-detailed plan for improving the economy.... SNORT!!! giggle! ... What, we're not allowed to be funny during a presidential campaign?"

...and the Number One Thing Overheard in Liberal Circles...

1. "Is it too late to run Frank Lautenberg? Someone get me that alte kacher on the horn."


Apologies: Some lists are funny. Some lists are funny and true. This one is merely true.

This list is nothing but "clappers," which I hate, but I'm in the mood for gloating.


digg this
posted by Ace at 04:03 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Barack Hussein Obama: "[i]A simple "Thank you" isn't enough is it?[/i] ..."

Iron Mike Golf: "[i]22 Was at an event yesterday and an ex-Ranger w ..."

logprof cranking up Henry's Dress: "Style guide: It's Scooby-doo, not Scooby-do. ..."

redc1c4 [/b] [/i] [/s] [/u]: "FYI: i blew up the pic, and the gravestone in fron ..."

Farmer Bob: "49- Dad was stationed at Albany til 73. We lived i ..."

weirdflunky: "If you ever find yourself in Madison, Ga you shoul ..."

ALH: "(BOO) ..."

mr_jack: "One-hit authors: I have one for you. My wife an ..."

Professor Chaos aka Gumdrop Gorilla: "I remember a Scooby-do episode that dealt with tre ..."

Iblis: "[i]282 To me, and I stand to be corrected, the odd ..."

Ripley: "Gen. Kellys remarks will be be lost on hard left&n ..."

ALH: "135 Sometimes it's not. 8) ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64